the ruins of me

you'll never read this.

ive always wanted to know what love was like.
was someone really worth the countless letters, flowers, and 'i love yous'?
for my whole life,
i thought love was happiness, a sweet reminder that the world still has hope

and then i meet you.

it was like, for a moment, i knew what i wanted and when i wanted it. and then a moment turned into hours, weeks, then days and ended with a year. all my thoughts were circled around you.

you were the first thing i'd wake to think about and the last thing i'd fall asleep thinking about and to me, it was like you were there.

you never liked me at first, but always swore that you did, but i could tell from the start that i wasn't special. but i was there, for when you cried to me about how the hook of loneliness grabbed to you and how it was burning within you. i then found myself, aching for you.

and then i was in too deep. like a fish on a hook, i was already deeper than i could manage i'd like to think. but it was for your smile that had changed everything thing for me, and even though your eyes were dark... i swore i saw them lightened with happiness every time they looked into mine.

i remember that moment i first laid on your chest, it was like your heart sped up cause it was nervous. later i'd come to find out that it was just lust. but if i asked you, before you removed me from your life if you have ever loved me.

i'm sure you'd say yes.

as if it wasn't clear enough. i know i'll miss you, even though like a storm approaching so fast, we ended things so quick in spite of us both. so if there is ever a chance you'll read this, just know..

i'm ready to forget you now.

- zmh