it burns my tongue,
when i speak.
the toxic chemicals,
that eat away my brain.
as the flames form a simple
picture of you.
it was familiar,
the pain,
the PTSD,
the addiction,
the screaming till
our throats would close in.
but questions have always remained,
ones that i could never answer.
why is that,
i could never leave?
why is that,
when i did,
i wanted nothing more
than to scream at you,
to return to the chemicals
so i could die
breathing you in?
is it because
i hate change?
because then change
only causes an imbalance in what
is to be known
as my headspace
that no longer
is filled with you?
i hate change.
i hate the unknowning.
i hate the way
life has a way
of ruining me.
maybe it's because,
from an early childhood,
the way you and i were taught things.
i don't want
someone who
could love me
till our hearts
grow tight.
because that isn't
what my eyes,
knew as right.
beatings,
bruises,
late night tears forming
at the tips of our eyes
caused by our inability
to love just right.
my mother and father
were the same.
and as a little girl
i promised,
promised really hard,
to make sure my flowers
and garden
were watered
but pure rain
that dripped from his hands.
but no,
i got watered by storms.
thunder
that
crashed.
lighting
that struck.
that is what i want.
i'll want that
every single day
that i am alive.
-zmh
YOU ARE READING
the ruins of me
Poetryi love you; said me every time foolishly. if you see any grammer mistakes, please do not hesitate to contact me politely about them! also credit to whoever may have taken the picture of the flowers for my cover, I did edit it a bit but other than...
