the ruins of me

sick metaphores of love, excerpt #seven.

It was dark, lonely, and cold. It had been one of those nights that the young girl never saw coming. Hours before a sudden realization, she was just fine. Pulling her blonde locks into a bun, she was ready to finally relax after a long day. Way before she found herself clingy unto a young man that had no hesitation in ruining her life in the countless times they found themselves in each others acquaintance.

The rain poured harshly towards the ground, as the wind slowly picked up. Both of them soaked and shivering, they had no intention of leaving each others side at the moment. At least not the young woman.

"It hurts." He croaked, voice hoarse from screaming earlier to his fiancee. Just hours prior, he found himself yet again up at night waiting for her arrival. She had once promised that she'd be home, and yet three coffee cups and five hours later there was no sign of her. And in his heart, he knew what was becoming of the women he loved. Because that used to be the game he played, and now in that moment as embarrassment, anger and frustration filled his veins, he regretted it deeply.

The young girl remained silent, taking in his complexion as he was just steps away from her. His raven hair was soaked, pieces lining his face as his once tan skin was now a sick pale color as if he was about to fall over any minute. Bags prominent under his eyes, and his once amber colored eyes were now filled with a unfamiliar dark black color. She frowned, as too many emotions sloshed in her head.

Its been too long.

"She cheat?" She called, after what seemed like hours of silence. She was shaking violently, cursing to herself for letting her body get to this point. Something she couldn't get rid of whenever he was mentioned to her.

He thanked God for the rain as tears started to weld deep within his eyes, he slowly nodded his head, knowing that now if he was to say anything it would just come out as bits and pieces. The young girl just frowned again towards him, seeing his state. Knowing that him like this pulled at her heart.

But it shouldn't matter to her, she can't be the one he was to run to whenever things go bad. She wasn't her 15 year self anymore. She was more mature, experienced and different than she was back then. So why of all people, did his mind scream for her?

"Of all the people you have in your life, me? Again?"

It was no brainer that their relationship from the start was rocky. Filled with angst, love, innocence, and frustration they however kept coming back to each other. At one point, they both had had enough, the young girl screaming countless times at night for the tourture he had left her in.

"You- You did the exact same thing to me. But your body screams, me?"

Almost as if she had relived those memories again, she could taste the familiar feeling for confusion and frustration ping at her tongue. Her once lover, the one that was toxic and was not afraid of showing it was now at her feet, crying at how now he was on the other side of the pain. That ratchet pull at the stomach, the chest pain as your body tries not to cry because they don't deserve it. And then that one final feeling of not being good enough.

The young girl almost told him that he deserved it. He deserved everything he was receiving. That it was his turn to feel this way. To feel the love of his life break him apart because she was careless.

But once again, she couldn't.

"I know. You don't have to hear from me, you can leave me in the cold you know. I wouldn't mind it, I just don't trust myself by myself right now."

The young girl scoffed.

"I had to deal with it by myself. The trauma you left behind? I went through that and learned. I did that."

He frowned, turning his attention towards the ground tears again welding against his eyes. The countless times he hurt her, without even touching her once. The lies, the manipulation because he didn't know what love truly was. He deserved every bit he was getting. He knew exactly that.

"I know. You know why I know, because when it happened more than once, over and over it was you who filled my thoughts. It was the consequence for what I did to you." He shook his head as his voice once again grew hoarse.

"You are truly incredible, because right now, I want nothing more than to die. Sh-She was my everything." He croaked once more. Feeling his body grow weary, he finally collapsed within the girls arms as she was quick to follow his movements. She was taken back by the sudden movement by the young boy, but this way she was able to hear his sobs within her shoulder. His body shaken violently against her body.

She closed her eyes, a single tear falling from her own eye. She took a deep breathe, trying not to show that he always had the ability to cause her body into a frenzy. With her eyes still closed, she whispered,

"You were my everything."

Slowly taking a free hand, and stroking the back of his head and leaning her cheek against his head. A coping mechanism she had remembered during their own relationship. He started to sob harshly at the own young girl's words. Realizing every wrong he had caused her, as he felt his world crashing around her.

Thunder crashed against them, as lightening started to light up the sky. A sick metaphor for their relationship that was twisted, that she had hated, that he had loved. In that moment, she held him close as he just cried, doing her best to sooth him as much as she could. Knowing this was going to mess with her head and cause her to spiral down again. She was scared, but moreless wanted nothing more to make sure he was okay.

She wasn't like one to make sure others were to suffer, and he knew deep down she'd always be there no matter the situation. And she knew that too. It was dangerous how they were towards each other. Deeming it as star crossed lovers who were always in each others path but never destined for a life together.

"I'm so sorry. I should've been better."

But she just shook her head, more worried at his shooken up state. Even if it was deemed that he would go right back to his fiancee after this was over, even if that possibility hurt her immensely, she couldn't turn him away as her body screamed for him.

He chose her, and so in this moment she'll chose him.

She soon feels his head lift slowly from her shoulder, as his eyes were now connected in a deep embrace with her ice cold blue ones. Ones that he had noticed he had missed for awhile. Inches from her lips, he slowly leans down connecting them with his as he feels her small arms wrap around his neck, deepening the kiss. Knowing that in the end, it was going to end with one of them giving in.

Pulling away, she frowned. Taking a deep breath, she grabbed his hand as she intertwined her small fingers with his. "I have some clothes left over from the last time, and I'll make some tea." She spoke, pulling him towards the entrance of the house.

The young girl frowned, knowing that it wasn't going to end in him staying. Or him holding her in the yee hours of the night, but him leaving her empty and cold again. But for her, it was lonely all the time and she'd do anything to get just a minute of warmth even if it resulted in her fixing him just for him to return back to his fiancee all patched up and her broken again.

She loved him, and she swore that deep down he still did too.

- zmh