You Only Live Once [Completed]

Chapter 5

"Let's go out tonight." Levi suggests.

I stare at him for a long time, his face worried and nervous at the same time.

"Fine, just don't propose to me, okay?" I joke. "Why are you nervous, Levi?"

He shrugs, grabbing his car keys. "I just am, I guess. I don't know, Hayden."

I'm not sure about his answer. Something has to be up and I need to get to the bottom of this. I don't talk to him during the car ride to Francisco's Family Restaurant, I can't help it I'm just worried about what will come tonight.

Levi sits down and is immediately shaking his leg.

"What's wrong, Levi?" I ask. "Don't sugar coat things, I want to know what's bothering you so much."

He glances at his hands on the table, biting his lower lip.

"Okay, if we're going to be together for a while I should tell you some...rather disturbing things about me." He says slowly.

"Okay," I say. "I can share things with you too.

Levi opens his mouth to begin, but the waitress appeared at our table like magic. She took our orders and left, not taking her eyes off of Levi the whole time.

"I...I got a girl pregnant." He whispers.

Oh damn. He's a father?

"When were you planning on telling me you're a father, Levi?"

I'm trying to keep my cool, but it's hard, really hard. I close my eyes and take long, deep breaths.

"Just listen, Hayden. That's all I'm asking." Levi retorts. "I'm not a father, I was going to be one. It was with the girl who I had my last serious relationship with. We shared a passionate night, she got pregnant and miscarried. It took a toll on both of us, I was upset and quite frankly angry. I left her after a month of knowing about the miscarriage."

I'm speechless. Levi does have a tortured soul, I knew it.  

"Oh God, Levi...I'm so sorry."

I didn't know how it happened and I don't ever want to know. This shines a new light on Levi; he is capable of a serious relationship.

"The girl is our waitress." He squeezes his eyes shut. "That's why she was staring at me."

As if on clue, she appears with our food and drinks.

"Here you are." She says sweetly. "Enjoy."

She sets Levi's plate down and he grabs her wrist.

"Can I help you?" She asks him.

"How are you, Aislinn...really?" He murmurs.

Aislinn frowns at him and shakes her head. She doesn't recognize him. 

"Just let her go, Levi." I tell him.

That makes her freeze. She's probably going to go home and cry her eyes out.

"Levi, I'm fine." Aislinn mutters. "I see you're seeing someone else, now. What number is she? I'm just kidding, I'm good actually. I have a husband and my...second child is on the way, if you count our..."

I excuse myself and head straight for the washroom. It's not exactly easy knowing your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend is talking to him. You never know what could or would happen between them while you're not there.

*  *  *

The dinner was nice, but kind of awkward. As soon as we step through the door to my apartment, Levi's all over me. He grabs me by my waist and starts kissing me, moving back towards the bedroom. I somehow know I won't be able to tell him that I can't tonight. I'll just have to get out of the comfort zone. 

It was weird. It's added a new chapter for our relationship. I didn't even think about what to do, it just came naturally I guess. It also makes me sad, depressed even. I knew I wasn't ready but I went to the next level with him anyway. 

"Tell me something no one knows about you." Levi says. "As I've told you something."

I don't know if I can tell him what I need to, I'd have to travel back to when I was thirteen.

"I've been sexually abused." I whisper. "By someone who I supposedly on a date with."

He picks me up and we walk to the downtown movie theatre. But instead of going inside it, he cuts through alleys and finally stops when the road is out of sight. I hear rustling a few feet in front of us and I'm shoved to the ground. Hands pinning me down so I can't move, what in the world is happening?

No, I must never think of this again. It's too painful to relive over and over again.

I launch into my story. "The guy came to my house and picked me up and took me out. But we didn't go anywhere but an old abandoned alley. His friends held me down while he...well, you get the picture. He didn't get away with it and he's probably still in jail. I've never told anyone too many details and I'm going to keep it that way, so don't persist."

He wraps me up in his arms. "Oh, baby, I'm so sorry you had to go through that."

"We're both broken, aren't we?" I sniffle.

It takes all my willpower to hold back my tears. It's hard not too spill my whole story, but I've vowed to myself that I would never go back there again. I get goosebumps when I see the movie theatre; my friends never understood why I refused to go to the movies with them.

"Yeah, we are."

My heart swells up a thousand more times than it already has. Levi's my everything and I can't wait to see what the future holds for us. I don't dare to think about the past Levi has, I'm just living in the present, with him.

 *   *   *

I wake up in the morning and Levi's not in bed. I roll over and something crinkles beneath me.

Hayden,

   Thank you for the past week or two. I had to leave for work a lot earlier than planned, I'm not coming back to live with you. I've found another place to stay for now, I've almost got enough money to rent an apartment so you can come over...maybe.

   Sleep well, sunshine.

     Levi

Why has he moved out? Why was he rude about it and never said a single thing to me? I pick up my phone and dial his cell number.

"Hello?" His voice fills the speakers.

"When were you planning on telling me you were moving out?" I ask.

He sighs and doesn't answer for a long time. "I don't know."

"Why do you have to make things so complicated?" I snap. "And by adding 'you can come over...maybe' that screams jerk, Levi."

I hang up without hearing his answer. I sit on the couch, rubbing my temples. He gives me a headache sometimes, he's just a very complicated person. I'm starting to believe more and more that we have a terrible kind of love. I don't know how much longer we'll be together...