You Only Live Once [Completed]

Chapter 11

The weeks have blurred into themselves. I rescheduled my doctor's appointment, I didn't want her to know how depressed I am. It's gotten so bad that I woke up this morning and threw up. But it didn't stop, throughout the day I just keep upchucking. I'm also very, very tired lately. It's hard to stay awake these days. I'm finally numbed inside and out, I just don't feel anymore. As of late, my favourite food to eat is mangoes in peanut butter. My family thinks it's utterly disgusting, but I just had a craving for it one day. The pine taste mixed with peanuts tastes like the best thing in the world.

I've been gaining some weight lately and it's freaking me out. I'm used to keeping my same weight and then to just see that I've gained some isn't good. I'm confused, I'm having pregnancy symptoms but I'm not pregnant. I'm not...right? I mean, I'm late and all but I can't be pregnant. It's not possible, I cannot be a good mother when I'm broken. I don't want to be a single mom either. I count backwards from today to the last day of my period. I'm seventeen days late, that means nothing...right?

I stand in front of my full length mirror and tentatively lift my shirt up to expose my stomach. It is bigger, but not noticeably. I feel it with my hands, to see what it would be like. I can't imagine myself pregnant.

"Mom!" I call. "Mom."

I can hear her rushing up the stairs to my bedroom.

"What's wrong?" She pants.

"What were the symptoms you had when you were pregnant?" I ask.

She frowns. "Well obviously I missed my period. But I was very tired and was experiencing a lot of nausea. I ate the craziest foods, but the most noticeable was my weight gain. Why?"

I stare at my reflection in the mirror. "Is it possible?"

"You think you're pregnant?" She asks.

"Yes, I do." I say earnestly.

Her eyes look like they're going to pop out of their sockets. She's probably freaking out on the inside. 

"Well, all I can say to you is take a pregnancy test and ask the doctor when you go." Mom says. "In the mean time, you're better off to rest up."

It's really weird knowing that I could be pregnant. I don't know if I'll be able to pull myself together to be a good mother to my child. That is, if I'm pregnant.