Don't Forget About Me | TØP

Chapter 15 // Josh

I raise my head, slowly, awestruck.

Four pairs of eyes are stranded on me: two of them are too surprised to even blink; the other two won't stop judging me quietly. I suddenly feel their pressure and I have to wait a few seconds before putting myself together. Still, I stand up, ready to face this mess.

"Hey boys." I smile at them, almost truly. "Lovely weather we are having today, huh?"

Jay shivers, as if he were telling me "Yeah, very lovely, you piece of shit".

"I wasn't expecting to see you today, Josh." Zack mumbles, not quite angry but not relaxed either. "Especially in here. My brother's house. Shirtless. I thought we were very clear about-"

"Yeah, yeah." I cut him off on purpose. "I know. I know I shouldn't be here because I messed up, blah blah blah; Mark was too clear about that."

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Tyler and Jenna exchange a look. 

"Then what are you doing here?" Zack raises an eyebrow at me. His voice is so calm that I worry he will explode at any moment and punch my nose again . 

"Uh, Zack..." Jenna rushes in, timidly. "it's alright. I invited him over. He was going to retrieve his drums today so... here we are now! Ha, what a coincidence."

"You were hiding him, actually." Jay points out. "You didn't even mention him when we asked you to open the garage."

I bite my lip, feeling more anxious than ever about the tension. I lock eyes with Tyler, who looks obstinate and way braver than me right now. I wonder what on earth is going on inside his brilliant, brand-new mind.

"Alright." Tyler puts a hand on his hip, now glancing at his brothers. "Yes. We were hiding Josh.  We have been hiding him for a couple of weeks, in fact." Before I can say anything, Tyler reaches his left leg and shows us my own name as a tattoo. "Turns out I needed Josh more than I thought. I didn't remember him, but I wanted to, as much as I wanted to remember everything; however, I couldn't see him because you all wouldn't approve  This wasn't his fault - neither was Jenna's - so if you're going to pick on someone, go ahead, I'm here."

I have to cover my mouth to stop myself from grinning. That, ladies and gentlemen, is my boy.

"Do you wanna know the real reason why we didn't let you see him?" Zack looks hurt. 

"I already know it." Tyler grins cockily. "I now know a lot of things, brother." 

Now it's the Josephs' turn to exchange a look. Okay, I have to admit I'm feeling a little guilty right now.

"Well, guys, it was nice to see you." I slowly pace towards the garage door. "I gotta go."

"You're not going anywhere, Josh." Zack shakes his head, and once again fear freezes my veins. "I actually need to talk to you. I was just surprised to find you here, specifically."

Silence fills the garage. I feel sweat on my forehead, but I stand still. I won't hesitate right now.

"What?" Jenna and Jay say at the same time. Tyler, on the other hand, smiles at us.

"Yes." Then, to my surprise, Zack says something that makes my jaw drop. "I wanted to apologize, actually."

~

As I watch Tyler, Jenna and Jay disappear behind the door that connects the house with the garage, I completely avoid making eye contact with Zack for too long. I reach for the shirt I threw to the floor while drumming and put it on. Now that the garage door is closed I don't feel that naked anymore.  

"So." I search for Zack, who's staring at my drums with an skeptical look. "What made you change your mind?"

He raises his head. "I haven't changed my mind, though. I'm still not sure if you should hang out with my brother."

"Yeah, okay." I shrug. "What made you think I was worth your time?"

I'm not trying to be self-destructive. In fact, deep inside I still want to piss him off.

"The thing is," Zack gulps. "gee, I broke your nose the other day. I was feeling guilty, but I was too angry to apologize. I considered texting you, but I didn't knew how to express myself. So, yeah, I'm sorry. I hope your nose forgives me."

I stare at him. I never thought of him being guilty for something he did to me. Is this the real Zack Joseph?

"My nose forgives you." I try to smile but my lips tremble so hard I have to push them together. "I thought you wanted me dead."

"No." Zack shakes his head. "Never in a million years. You're as important to me as you're to the rest of my family. I just... lost it that day." He bites his lip. "I was really scared, Josh. I hated myself so much for not doing anything to help Tyler, even if I wasn't there with him. When Jenna told me you were the last person to see him I immediately felt the need to punish you for not doing what I was supposed to do, but I didn't realize you were going through the same as me. So I punched your nose; I had to find a way of venting somehow."

"But you convinced Tyler not to see me." I say as-a-matter-of-fact. "You put your family against me. You put Jenna against me."

"I know." He chuckles softly. "I didn't want Tyler to see you and remember the fight you guys had. I bet that must have been traumatic for him, but apparently he's comfortable with you around, so I guess I'm cool with it."

I breathe heavily, remembering he actually believed Tyler when he said he knew about the fight - which, in fact, feels as if it had happened 10 years ago. I don't know where to go from here.

"Sorry for being selfish." Zack concludes. "I only thought about myself."

"I thought about myself too for once and Tyler had an accident." I shrug, chuckling a little. "But it's good to hear I don't have to deal with all the guilt, I guess. Thanks for opening up."

Zack smiles and grabs a drumstick from the floor. "So we cool?"

"Yup." I nod, grabbing the other drumstick. "Let's go inside before we break something here."

As we stand up, I think about how easy was for Zack to apologize to me; or maybe it didn't felt easy before he did it, but it sounded real and that's what matters. But now that I have considered this, my mind can't stop overthinking the same ideas over and over.

Taking responsibilities.

Finding a way of venting.

Telling Tyler the truth.