Two Ghosts // l.s

A Dead man walking

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Possible trigger warning! I'm sorry loves but the next couple of chapters are dark, really dark and triggering. Please read with caution. I love you! <3

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3 months later

It had been three months. Harry was on tour. Louis was not doing so well. That was— if not doing so well meant he had to be put on medication again because of his reappearance of depression.

Louis had suffered awfully throughout his teenage years, coming terrifyingly close to ending his life because of it. He'd hated his voice and his face and his body and his feminine features and despite the fact everyone told him his voice was amazing, he would never take them seriously yet weirdly it took only a certain curly haired sixteen year old boy to convince him enough to sing, when he was close to dropping out of the X-factor. Louis had only applied for his mum, she was always so proud of him and told him to audition for her.

Louis hadn't spoken to Harry in a month out of the three they'd been apart. Louis had been banned from contact with Harry once their management got involved with everything that had happened.

The month and a bit that Harry and Louis had spent in Saffron Walden felt a universe away, a lifetime away. The thought that they had ever been happy and together and sleeping in each other's arms every night with no paparazzi and no management to control their every move sounded so surreal.

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Louis dragged himself hopelessly to the bathroom. It was 3.00 in the morning and he couldn't sleep again. Without even thinking, he switched on the bright light in the bathroom, not caring that it stung. He stared for a couple of seconds. This figure in the mirror was not a reflection of Louis. It was a shell of a man who had lost the love of his life, lost the one thing that kept him alive.

The dark circles highlighted the little sleep he had been getting. He physically carried the weight of anger, sadness and anxiety as well as emotionally. Louis walked like he had chains bolted to his leg, like he was just existing— not living.

He looked down to the worryingly large bottle of pills labelled "antidepressants" in ironically colourful orange writing. Louis grimaced at the capsules. After twisting the lid off, he took out the two he should have taken hours ago before he went to bed— to attempt to sleep.

He stumbled to the toilet and lifted the lid nonchalantly, dropping them out of his balled fist. And without hesitation, he flushed them down.

Louis watched in the mirror his lanky and small body arch as he walked out, noticing he was thinner. Not surprising since he had been forgetting to eat.

He spent the day curled up in a foetal position on the sofa, Stitch lay between his legs, purring lightly like a constant reminder to Louis that Harry was no longer here.

Louis of course was not allowed his phone, where he would usually argue with their management and try to call them out on their bullshit - he'd let them take away his phone and his laptop because he didn't have the energy to fight anymore.

He would watch though, on his other phone which management had forgotten about, videos of his Fiancé, looking like he didn't know Louis was at home broken and alone.

Louis would look through the tour videos and keep Harry's album on repeat all day everyday like a ritualistic chant.

He got up to start the music and jumped as the door unlocked. He collected himself to see it was just Sarah, again.

Sarah had a sandwich in one hand and warm tea, presumably from their local coffee shop.
Louis thanked her gratefully and she sighed at the sight of Louis, pointing out the obvious that his ribs were starting to show. She then went through their daily routine, checking that he'd been taking the pills, and then actually checking down the side of his bed (where he had first resorted to hide the antidepressants before he got caught.)

Then she'd watch him eat and get him tea, tell a story and attempt to make him laugh. Sarah was sympathetic, she knew what he was going through but couldn't do much about it for the boy wouldn't open up.

Louis thanked her repeatedly, as annoyed as he got that she would always check to see if he had taken the devils' pills, he did enjoy the company. Sometimes she'd bring little letters that Anna, Sarah's daughter would write for him which never failed to bring him a slight dose of happiness. Even if it was only temporary.

Louis just sat, waiting. For some news that Harry would come home.

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A/N

I hope you know if you're struggling with anything or if reading this has triggered anything, you can message me on here or on my insta @ obviouslyimaboyo. You don't have to go through the dark alone

🐝