to your smile so bright || jung jinyoung

× Chapter 13 - Your Subconscious Laugh ×

by @tt10500

    Love will not find it's way in the firstchapter.

It will take its time to fill in the missing blanks, naturally.    

Holidays came by, really quickly. I felt relieved, knowing that school as well as seeing people was over. Jinyoung walked up past me.

"So...any plans for the holiday?" he asked.

"No..." I said back. "Not much. You?"

"Not much either. Do you wanna do something? Like go to the movies...? Or anything?"

"Yeah sure. Where?"

We talked about the movie we wanted to watch and went on for hours talking about which movie was the scariest. A few days after we texted a lot, I went back to feeling insecure. I wasn't only brought down from my sense of low self esteem, but the fact I was scared Jinyoung didn't truly liked me. I was scared his brain was forced into saying he liked me, but his heart didn't. We ended up not talking for five days until he replied to my story.

"Damn, busy." he texted.

"Uh yeah haha."

"How's life?" he asked.

"Stressful," I replied.

"From work?" he asked again.

"Jinyoung can I ask you something?"

"Yeah of course. Go ahead..."

"Do you really like me?" I asked.

"What? Are you stressed about that??" he asked. He didn't even answer the question, sigh.

"Oh...uh yeah..."

"Of course I do why?"

The "of course" part of the sentence made me feel uneasy. It was like he was over certain for something he shouldn't have been.

"It's nothing...complicated." I said.

I wanted to tell him everything- how every recess and lunchtime I would spend silently by myself, how Youjung was perfectly fine with her boyfriend and not giving a damn about me- no anyone, how I felt like Jinyoung's crush on me was a lie, how practically hard it was to live my life. But my words twisted and changed.

I was a little introvert towards some things. I enjoyed eating, reading and walking alone. It didn't mean I was a loner or something either- I just found comfort in being by myself. Ever since my two best friends vanished from my life, there was nothing more I could smile about. I wasn't depressed- I had just lost my sense of self, my self esteem. Like I was the puzzle that didn't fit in the right place. I didn't want other's feeling hurt towards my actions...but it ended up hurting not only them badly but also myself. If I couldn't make myself happy, then I couldn't make others happy too.

It made me rethink the moment Youjung had seemingly pushed me away for her boyfriend. She wanted to spend time with her boyfriend, but obviously I was the barrier. So for that reason, she called Jinyoung asking where he was so she could "drop me off." We ended up finding him and his friends in detention. Great. She may have dragged me there as a joke but it wasn't so much of a joke after she disappeared back into her boyfriend's arms. I spent the rest of the lunch sitting down in detention outside the teacher's room with Jinyoung and his friends like a fool. He never asked me if  I was okay to stay with him- or if he even realised I was sacrificing other things to stay with him. I only got "aren't you bored." Was anyone human?

"I j-just don't feel like as if..." I started off. "As if you don't like me."

There was a two minute pause in between us until he finally broke the silence.

"How about we stay close friends until we feel it's right?" he said.

"oh...yeah..." I said. "I think so too."

That was a lie. I liked him so bad that it was hurting me.

"We're still friends," he continued. "Close friends :)"

That was a lie again. When people said that, the next few days they would stop talking to you and forget that you were even a friend. The painful memories would only haunt you back after seeing them, remembering that they said.

And that, was exactly what would happen.

If he truly liked you, he would have never said to stay as close friends and beg to keep you, a voice in my head said. He would have held and latched onto you. Forget him, forget him. What's so good about him? No. Why did you even like him in the first place? I had no clue. He was like the opposite end of a magnet, attracting me in with no reason by force.

______________________________________________________________________________

Aaand here's a wrap for this week's chapter! How are my readers going?

I forgot to mention many people wanted this book to have a happy ending, soo happy ending it is! Stay tuned ;)

Don't forget to add this book into your reading list to be updated on a new chapter! Also if you liked this book, vote and comment on the chapters! Please follow me too :)

Laters everyone x