Please listen to the song above to understand the feel of this particular fluff <3
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I licked my bottom lip and inhaled softly, a small smile took over my face. My eyes were still closed but I have never been this happy before. I was warm in my bed. I have never been warm in my bed. Pining for the source of heat, I cuddled into the softness until I found a comfortable position.
"Y/n-ah we should probably wake up, I think it's noon." I calm low voice tinkled through the perfect morning air.
"Mmm.." I mumbled and just shoved my head deeper in the crook of my warmth neck.
"You have no idea how much I want to do the same." He mumbled. I angled my face until my lips touched the softness of his cheeks.
"Please." My voice tinkled. He didn't say anything but pulled me closer.
"Sleep well angel." He whispered and kissed my cheek. I smiled and buried my face into him. His strong arms wrapped around my small frame and his head rested atop mine.
"I love you." He whispered.
"I love you more." I mumbled before going back into my peaceful unconsciousness.
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My eyes opened slowly. My heart knew. It didn't let me see him peacefully even in my sleep. I clutched my bedsheets as I used the last of my energy to prop myself against the bed frame. I'm exhausted. Tears freely burned a trail down my cheeks and I didn't bother wiping them away. I glanced at my mirror through my foggy vision. To believe that I could sleep peacefully in his arms was foolishness. I glanced around my room, pictures of my old self were in display. The old me, the friends I don't see anymore, him, they were all there, mocking me. How can time change this much? I don't know. Do I miss myself, do I miss your face? I don't know.
A chilly breeze tickled my skin, it was dark outside. I can't tell if it's day or night. My heart ached, but I didn't feel anything now, I got used to the stabbing pain. I tightly closed my eyes through the pain. Why him? Why us? What did we ever do wrong? Sobs were wracking my body but I couldn't here sound. All I could see was my chest heaving and foggy vision. I crawled out of bed, the cold ground bit through my feet.
"Y/n." A soft voice called from the door. I looked up wearily. Whoever talked, I only heard his voice and saw only his face.
"You're awake." Hoseok was standing in the doorway. I gave him a small nod.
"I came to bring you some food." He set down a plate of eggs and toast on my nightstand. I felt like vomiting every time I looked at food. I smiled weakly at him.
"Thank you." I said. He nodded and kissed my forehead lovingly.
"Please eat this time." He said. I nodded.
"I'll try." Everyday Hoseok would come to see if I was awake, everyday he would set down a plate of food, everyday he would kiss my forehead, and everyday he would ask me to eat. But everyday I can't look at him in the eye, everyday I don't eat, and everyday I feel like dying. It was all my fault. I don't know how yet, but I know it was all because of me.
"Please get ready. Call me if you need help with anything." He said softly and padded out of the room, softly shutting the door behind him. Today was like every other day but infinitely not. Today was his day. I slowly made my way to the bathroom. I wasn't alive, but like the breathing people I brushed my teeth, combed my hair,a dn ashed my face. Like a breathing person, I put on the dress Hoseok gave me. Like a breathing person, I climbed into the car with six other people. But like a dead person, I didn't talk, like a dead person I looked at the bouquet of flowers in my head and felt no pain when the thorns of the red rose pierced through my skin. Like dead people, six other people and I arrived at a valley. Was I alive or dead? I'm not sure.
The breeze tickled the grass and the leaves of the sad willow tree. I closed my eyes and breathed in the cold air. I welcomed it's bites. Choking on my sobs I ran to the willow tree.
"My baby. I'm here. I'm here." I muttered like a mantra. I fell to my knees as sobs wracked through my body. The guys followed behind me, without a word, kneeling with me, they placed their strong arms on my shoulder. My hair blew in the wind, my black dress doing the same.
"I'm so sorry." I sobbed over and over again. The boys and I stayed together, none of us moved. None of us talked. But all of us remember. The way he talked. The way he moved, the way he loved music, the way he touched, the way he made us laugh. The way... we took it all for granted. My eyes met the gravestone. Min Yoongi. The man I loved. The man that will always be loved.
"I will always love you more." I trembled. My heart was being stabbed. For the first time in a long time, I felt pain. I felt the pain grow until all I could think of was him. I closed my eyes. I saw him. It was sunny, the sunlight played on the tips of his hair. He smiled at me warmly. I reached out to him. I let go.
I know it's almost Thanksgiving and everyone is starting to get in the holiday mood but it's also the moment you realize how many people you are thankful for. The losses you have experienced, the pain you went through, the sadness in your life, I hope it all decreases a little when you surrounded by your family this holiday season.
As a person, I have many regrets, my friends, my family, myself, I've lost a little bit to each and every category. To the friends I have lost, to the family I have lost, and to the pieces of myself I have lost, I'm so sorry I can't be their next to you to shield you from the pain of life, I will always miss you, and I will always love you, even if we ended badly.
I might just be an overly emotional author that you want nothing to do with, but I just want to let you know, even if you're strong, you can get exhausted, and that's okay, but only if you allow yourself to heal.
Please heal a little this holiday season.
I wish you happy Thanksgiving and holidays
~Author-nim
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