Take me Home

Chapter 39

Chapter 39

A week had passed and not much had changed in Jade's life. She still wasn't talking to Marcus and she had stopped going to her OT appointment. She tried to keep busy but struggled day to day to find the motivation to do anything. She spent most of the week in bed. She did venture out for lunch with her father the other day, but even that was a struggle to find something to talk about in her life that was worth sharing.

So today she sat in the foyer and wrung her hands together waiting to be seen. Her heart was racing, and she felt like she was going to be sick. She tried to look indifferent as she waited so to pass the time she studied the foyer. She took note of the plant sitting in the corner and how the leaves looked to green to be real and how the leaves had the perfect amount of wilt to not seem dead or alive.

She took note of the reception lady who always seemed to be smiling as the soft sound of the radio played in the background. She took note of the light grey carpet and wondered what each fibre would feel like between her toes. Would it feel rough? Would it feel soft? Questions she knew she would never get answered.

"Jade." She looked up to see Helen smiling at her and she rolled herself into the office she had been in many times. Looking around the place was the same as last time, but it felt different. Jade didn't know if it was because she felt different or if space had changed much like everything in her life. She wasn't sure what it was, but she felt like she was entering a foreign place she had never been.

"I am glad to see you, Jade, a little surprised that you booked an appointment, but glad to see you." Jade tried to smile at Helen, she felt the corner of her mouth turn up, but it was a sad excuse of a smile and she knew it, but it was the best she could give.

"So, Jade, what bought you in today," Helen asked as she closed the door and took a seat across from Jade. She looked down at her damaged hands and sighed. She wasn't sure where to start. There was so much she wanted to say, but she felt like she couldn't say anything.

"I'm struggling." She all but whispered, scared to admit that she was having trouble adjusting. She felt like she was committing a crime by admitting it and felt as if she was waiting for someone anyone to strike her down for even voicing her concern.

"What is it you are struggling with Jade?" Helen put her pen and book on the table beside her and leant forward with a soft and encouraging smile on her face.

"Everything. I'm struggling with connecting, not just to people, but the world, me. I'm struggling with all this and everything inside." She pointed to her whole damaged body as she spoke so softly like the broken person she was.

"Struggling to connect is common with people with PTSD. Studies have found that war veterans especially, struggle to connect after tours." Jade nodded. She knew this, but she was still struggling. She felt like she was trying, but it took so much effort to do so.

"How about we start with people. What people in your life are you struggling to connect with?" Jade sighed and looked towards the ceiling running her hands through her long brown hair.

"My family, Marcus, my very few friends." Jade looked at Helen who nodded at her and hummed knowing she wanted Jade to elaborate a little.

"I feel so disconnected to my family. Before I left things were good and since I came back. I don't know. It feels like I don't know how to react around them. I find myself having nothing to talk about and when I do it's so tiring, trying to keep up a relationship, I wonder if it's better if I just cut them loose." Jade looked at Helen and shrugged not sure how to elaborate on how she was feeling.