fifty-seven.

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JANUARY, 1993, SEATTLE, WA

                KURT'S RETURN TO Seattle came at an incredibly appropriate time for Lindy.

She had been struggling terribly for the last month with all of her various issues, each and every one of them having to do with other people and her relationships with them.

She had finally told Beth about Kurt on New Year's Eve. The event had been unceremonious, as Lindy had made her confession over a round of drinks. Beth had naturally spit her vodka soda all over Lindy as soon as the news had been announced, but Lindy figured this reaction was better than her looking disdainful and accusing. 

Beth had been supportive of course, but appeared to be very worried for Lindy in general as she rang in the rest of the night with flashing, bothered glances toward her friend. It was like she was anticipating Lindy fainting on the spot with the burden of what she was going through. She kept asking Lindy what she was going to do about Jack, a subject that immediately made Lindy bite down on her lower lip nervously. Lindy did not know how to answer these questions, because she herself had no idea what her plan was.

Jack was hardly speaking to her, something that was highly unlike him. When he passed her in the hallways of the hospital, he'd train his blue eyes elsewhere, allowing them to land on anything except Lindy. The rebuff was certainly cold, but Lindy felt deep down that she could not hate him for it.

On one hand, she couldn't believe that Jack was angry with her over something so stupid when in reality, he had a far greater reason to be mad at her. It was a reason that she wasn't sure he'd ever find out about if he kept choosing to ignore her.

Their supposed one year of being together was fast approaching, but Lindy was beginning to doubt that they would be celebrating it with the way things were going. Jack had virtually shut her out of his life completely, and whether this was out of malice or his own version of catharsis, Lindy was unsure.

As January drew to a close, Kurt arrived back to Lindy's apartment in the late evening after Lindy had already been getting ready for bed. It was almost midnight when he came, knocking feverishly and bouncing on his toes with a hectic energy.

Lindy opened her door and Kurt threw his body into her arms, crying out when she folded him into her embrace. She was surprised to see his hair colored in a light shade of brown, a sharp contrast from his usual blonde. It was longer now, shaggier and hanging partially in his eyes.

Kurt pulled away to kiss Lindy, a small moan tickling the back of his throat when their lips connected. Being near her again was his best idea of a homecoming. It was a grappling relief that made him thankful to even be alive.

"Kurt," Lindy managed to get out, drawing her lips from his. He didn't stop — rather, he traced kisses down her jawline and neck, eager to enjoy the fact that she was once again with him after an extended period apart.

"Are you okay?" she gasped. The need with which he was holding her felt different; it was a desperate sort of grip, like she was a life preserver and he was lost in a dangerous ocean current. He wrapped his arms around her waist, leaning against her like a crutch.

"I missed you. So much," Kurt whispered.

They walked into her apartment and Kurt made a beeline for her bedroom. She thought that she knew what he wanted from her but was surprised when Kurt only pulled her down onto the bed and curled himself into a ball next to her. He looked so small when he did that. Lindy could see his bones pressing against his thin, sallow skin in various places all over his body. 

His demeanor told Lindy that something was very wrong, even if he wasn't blatantly saying it out loud. The way he had his arms clutched against his chest made it seem like he was shielding himself from something, or in the very at least trying to keep his body from falling apart. His eyes were screwed tightly shut, blocking out the rest of the world.

IN THE SUN ↝ kurt cobainWhere stories live. Discover now