The Mafia Boss

Chapter 19

Rose POV

I feel asleep. It felt like I had been a sleep for years. Turns out I was a sleep for a day. Also freaked out a few people but I felt so numb I didn't care. I wanted to feel again but I couldn't. I headed to the bathroom, it's late at night and it's so quiet. I looked at the mirror and thought what a mess I have become. Why would anyone want me in their life. All I do is cause trouble for being alive. Maybe dying could be the only way out of this crazy, disturbing life I have had.

What a selfish thought.

I couldn't do that to Jurian after everything he has done that's good... why all of a sudden that's coming to mind. Was I weak before hand letting him be in my life after the horrible things he has done. I'm such a silly girl... maybe it's time to go

No.

I need to distract myself, this talking to the mirror isn't helping. It's making things worse.

So I walk back into the bedroom looking around wondering about the small details, trying to distract my thoughts.

AHHH.

It's not working. I hate mental health. Why does it like to mess around in your head like your completely lost about your life and your self. My soul feels like it's slipping away faster and faster every time I move or think. My heart races to the thoughts of over analysing my life. My emotional won't come out. It feels as it gone over night. It's been sucked away from a single person or a situation. I feel as I'm dying. I'm failing. I'm drowning. I'm on fire. I'm bleeding out. Bleeding out all my feelings, emotions and soul. I wanna cry but nothing comes out, I wanna feel pain, I wanna feel fucking something.

I get into bed and eventually I fall asleep.

"Wake up ,gorgeous" Jurian whispers in my soft ear. I twitch at the sound and slowly open my sleepy, tired eyes and look up at him. Standing over my bed watching me.

"Morning" I reply with.

"You ok you seem distant this morning,I tired hugging you and you kept moving away. Have I done something,"

"Of course not, don't worry too much. I'm being silly obviously,"

He slowly crawled over to me smirking and whispers into my ear, " good baby".
I shiver to the breathe on my neck. He slowly kisses my ear and trails down to my neck , down to my chest. I exhale and I feel him smirk on my skin.

I know I want him on top of me kissing parts of my body with passion and fire, but I felt as though I could let him. To say I didn't want it when I do but I don't. Why am I so confused. So I had to roll from under him off the bed. That turns out to be me wackily my head off the floor. Great morning.

"Rose what are you doing, your making even more worried. I can't be here all the time to stop you from hurting yourself," and then I exploded.

"Hurting myself! You think this is hurting myself. I thought of worse things then wackily my stupid head on the stupid floor."

"Wait what!"

"You know perfectly well what I mean Jurian. Where's the fucking happiness been this past year. My life is so shit I'd rather be dead,"

"You're so selfish" then he slammed the door after walking straight out the room. I felt like I was nothing. I'm selfish. How am I selfish when I got raped, my dad killed my family and nearly me!! Why can't I say I wanna die or feel as that would be the best way. I'm severely depressed.

Sat on the bed angry and then noticing I never said he was good... oh fuck I said there was no happiness at all. Maybe I should rephrase that, because I'm don't going to say sorry for how I feel.

I shouted Jurian. Actually I shouted a few times and even walked around the whole house to find him, but he was no where to be see or even heard. I texted him asking for him. No reply.

Shit.

Then I saw this dark room with key lock on it. I was curious haven't seen a room like this in a while. I tried open the door. Nothing of course, he's not that stupid. Maybe his office has the key. So I quickly run to his office, down the stairs and down the hall way. It's open. I go over to the drawers. First one nothing just letters. Second one again just letters and a bit of money. The last drawer was hard to open. I have to really pull on this drawer. This drawer was a lot heavier then the others, which was confusing for the design. I realise I need to put on the lamp to even see properly. I notice a little hole in the bottom on the thin drawer,which again is very heavy to move. I pull it up.

It comes off...what the hell is that...