Method of Desire

Chapter 20

I walked through the halls of my dorm at Thomas Hunter Hall and walked past the girls chattering.

I was going to visit Helen and Doris' room, but when I cracked the door I found something shocking.

Doris laid on the bed, while Helen, only in her night negligee, crawled on top of her. They kissed slowly, and I quickly shut the door.

I always heard about Doris, but Helen? When did she decided she liked girls as well?

Before I could make it down the hall, the girls whispered as the sound of stepping feet came down the hall. I stood against a wall between Francesca and Betty as we let the person pass.

Girls stood in the way and watched as the mystery man made his way down the hall. Finally, before I could see who it was, a girl shouted out his name.

"Stanley Kowalski!?" A girl shouted out.

"No— that's the character's name." Another girl whispered.

"What's his name again?" A third asked.

Marlon emerged from the crowd. Girls made room for him, some gawked at him, some looked suspicious, all were enamored by him. However, I'm sure it took a hit to his ego to realize not everyone in New York knew his name.

"Who are you here for?" Francesca asked next to me. His soft pink lips weren't in their usual grin, but his face was serious. His eyes focused on me.

"I'm here for Pat." He said. For the first time, he didn't call me Pattie. He finally called me Pat.

I didn't have words, everyone whispered and talked around us. I got my back up off the wall, and I stood in front of him. Then, I turned and began walking to my room, he followed behind.

When I opened my dorm door, Joan and her boyfriend Edward were acting out of character. They feverishly touched and groped each other, awkwardly swallowing each other's faces.

Joan noticed us and tapped Edward, and he turned to look at us. He still was on top of her, so he hopped off. He looked to me, then to Marlon, and his face went pale.

"Sorry." Edward said scratching the back of his neck and bolted out.

Joan didn't know Marlon, and I guess Edward never mentioned it. She stood up and looked at the two of us. She was confused, not knowing who this mystery boy was in my room. Then, she made her way out of the room as well, closing the door behind her.

Marlon wore his trench coat and a plaid scarf along with a dress shirt and slacks. He stood there in the middle of the room, standing tall and without any words.

I slowly sat on my bed, waiting for him to say something— anything.

Marlon slowly made his way to me. His feet making the wooden floor below our feet creak. Standing in front of me, he put his hand on my knee. I gave him a look of indifference, after my intervention with James and Eartha I didn't want this anymore.

He broke down crying, kneeling in front of me. His face pressed into my lap. I kept my hands still, not offering to stroke or coax the monster in my room.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, Patricia, I'm so very sorry." He cried into my lap, soaking my dress with his tears.

"I never let you in, Pat, I treat you so bad— I'm so sorry for that!" He shouted, his voice muffled against my clothing.

He looked up at me and my face was still indifferent.

"Tell me what I need to do, anything, please!" He said in a shaky voice.

"Let me in." I asked of him. He put his cheek back down onto my lap, and huffed some more.

"Alright." He said quietly. "April 3rd."

"What?" I asked and stood in front of me, placing his hands on my waist. His lips were parted, his hair was messy, and his tear filled eyes looked at me.

"I was born on April 3rd, 1924. I grew up in the Depression. It wasn't too hard, because I was in the country. Omaha, Nebraska to be exact." He said quietly. "My father was an alcoholic. So was my mother..."

I listened silent as he sat next to me. He pulled my close and I rested my head on his shoulder.

"What really hurt me was my mother. I never understood her, not only was she an alcoholic... but she was different. She wore pants, she smoked, she went to bars on her own. She got even more drunk than my father." Marlon vented. "She loved theater too."

"Is that why the theater means so much to you?" I asked softly. He got silent and went on to the next thing without answering.

"And you know what, she got so drunk that my father would have to drag her back home from whatever bar or man she was with." He said in a weak voice. "And you know what— she wasn't there for us, my sisters and I that is— she just got drunk and went to the theater."

I silently listened but he didn't say anymore. I decided to lighten the mood. "Was she any good?"

Marlon laughed and I laughed along with him, he stroked my hair as I leaned my head on his shoulder.

"Yeah. She helped Henry Fonda get his career on track, that's for sure. He does stuff up by where you're from, White Plains." He told me and I smiled.

"And you know what, I grew up in an unstable home. My mother and father went to alcoholic's anonymous but that wasn't any good... and my father picked up the family and moved us to Illinois only to abandon us there." Marlon shook his head slowly and broke down crying some more.

"And I used to act our animals and live stock for my mother, just to try and keep her from picking up one more glass." He said, and then cried some more. My heart broke with every sentence.

"It's okay." I said looking up at him and putting my hand on his chest. He took my hand in his and kissed it. "You're okay, Marlon."

"You'll never amount to nothing, he'd say to me. And when I was a teenager... he got back with my mom. Only to continue to tell me I'm not worth anything." Marlon choked out.

"I had a best friend— I have a best friend. Wally is his name. And uh... he and I have a relationship you couldn't never describe."

"Where is he now?" I asked softly.

"Well, uh, he and I went to school together. Then college... and he's actually in New York." Marlon told me. "And rent is a little high."

I sat up and looked to him. He avoided eye contact, looking at his lap.

"You know what, I think I might move in with him." Marlon swallowed. "I think I need someone there for me."

"Of course." I mumbled. I couldn't help but be slightly jealous. Marlon was like an onion, but as you peeled back every layer he got more complicated.

"We got an apartment right on the park on west 57th and... I think it'll be good for us." He sighed. I nodded, trying to be understanding.

"He's not... he's not exactly like me. But when we move I want you to meet him." Marlon admitted. "Will ya?"

"Sure, I'll meet your friend if he means so much to you." I said holding his hand.

He looked to me and I looked in his eyes, and he placed a soft kiss on my lips. I laid down and he laid next to me, kissing me once again.

We didn't do anything after that, just hugging each other and reassuring each other everything would turn out well.