things ill never say (poetry)

you swung into my life

i remember when we first met in the park with our mutual friend at the time

you were weird

so was i

we made stupid and ridiculous jokes

i didn't find the jokes funny anymore later on

sometimes i couldn't tell if you were joking or not

there were times as i got older you made me even more uncomfortable

i tried to get away from you but you kept roping me back in

you wanted to be friends so i kept it up

i never really felt that okay with you

there were times when i opened up to you but regretted it later on

you would share intimate details about other people

i couldn't help but be filled with dread

were you doing the same to me?

did your friends know about things i shared with you?

it made me scared

my stomach started to twist but i didn't say goodbye

you would get me high when my mom was gone and force me into sex along with other sexual acts

it left me feeling disgusting

you kept doing it because you knew i couldn't say no to you

i trusted you

you betrayed that trust

when i finally got enough to courage to block you on everything and refuse to see you i felt liberated

then you found ways to contact me by making new accounts

you couldn't leave me alone

now im afraid to let anyone touch me again

i lay awake most nights wondering why you did it to me

you took so much from me

however i won't let you win

the things you did to me can't be undone but im letting you not have power over me

i won't ever be fully rid of everything you put me through and that's okay

you swung into my life but i choose to push you out