no longer | hwang hyunjin

chapter 8

I went home and immediately headed up to my room. My grandmother was calling my name to eat but I just told myself not to hear her.

I just plopped down on my bed, and did a lot of thinking. Our graduation was the next day and I didn't know what to do. I was supposed to think about what I was going to do the next day.

But all I was thinking about was Hyunjin. If I was going to loose him.

*the next morning*

I woke up to just the sound of my alarm. Today my senior year was coming to end. I was going to finally end the planned part of my life, and start the unplanned part.

I put on my graduation dress, here it is:

And I walked out my door. I've been dreaming about this day ever since I could remember. I would walk out my house doors and walk with Hyunjin to our last day of high school.

But that didn't happen. Because Hwayoung was experiencing it. Hyunjin was probably standing outside her door. Waiting for her to come out in a beautiful gold dress.

I was supposed to wear this gold dress:

But of course I couldn't because Hwayoung was wearing it. I'm just realizing it now that she is basically just stealing my life now.

First my best friend, and now my freakin graduation dress.

So I just walked to school, alone. I had listened to Stray Kids Mixtape #3. It felt like I really needed some inspirational words for today. You know to keep me going, because to be honest this day isn't going to great.

I walked into the auditorium. The auditorium that I was going to have my last moments of high school in.

It felt so surreal that I was going to really graduate. But I don't even know what I was going to do after this. And I'm even graduating valedictorian.

All my extra curricular activities and good grades got me that spot. And I'm so proud of myself. But unfortunately my grandmother can't come and see. She was sent to the hospital last night. Her lungs are giving out, she can't breath very well anymore.

But I want to make her proud in any way I can. Even if she can't with me on this important day, it's okay. I know that she is cheering me on from the hospital.

Then all the graduates were called for rehearsal. We had to rehearse coming in and out. How to come up to receive our diplomas. You know things like that.

Again I dreamed of how this day would go. Me and Hyunjin would start playing around during rehearsals and then get in trouble. But that wasn't happening. He had his full attention on her.

I swear when will she ever stop. It's been hell these past few months. Ever since Hwayoung came into our lives, something horrible happened.

Me and Hyunjin's relationship isn't as strong as before. We don't walk to school and back together anymore. Hwayoung switched to most of our classes, and she mostly talked with Hyunjin.

Just watching them together hurt. I still didn't know why. I had nothing to mad about. Right?

But was I really mad at them. Maybe it was a different feeling. It's just that loosing Hyunjin was not acceptable. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't.

I don't want to loose him. Or promises.
He's never broke any of them. I'm scared that he'll finally break one of them. I don't want that to happen.