no longer | hwang hyunjin

chapter 9

It was the ceremony and you sat far away from Hyunjin. But not surprising, she was sitting next to him. And I sat behind them. I had to just watch them mess around with each other.

They were doing what me and Hyunjin before. She hit him and they started to play fight. The teacher yelled at them. They gave her a serious look, but when they turned to each other they laughed.

I couldn't stand watching them be happy. Hyunjin not needing me to be happy. Maybe he really no longer needed me. Just then and there I saw them hold hands.

That's when I learned my feelings. That I loved him. I loved him with all my heart.

The hardest part was learning I loved him while watching him love someone else.

They were announcing the names of the graduates and I didn't even notice they called my name already. So when I was supposed to wave to the audience I just stared at them. It was so awkward.

I just wanted to run to him and tell him. But that would just destroy any friendship we had left.

I've accepted it. That I lost him. My worst nightmare came true. Having my best friend leave my side. He wasn't mine anymore.

He broke his promise. And all I remember is all our memories together. When we would tease each other, and we had so much fun.

That was all gone. Because of one girl. The only reason why I trusted, is now the reason why I can't trust anymore.

Now I couldn't even trust my grandmother. What if she's leaving me too. The world is always keeping me one step away from true happiness.

I kept holding in the urge to just run out to him but I couldn't. It was a graduation ceremony.

After many different people had their speeches, it was time for the valedictorian to have their speech. And well that person was me. But I wasn't ready. I prepared a speech before, but that's when I had people to trust and to car about. I don't have those things anymore.

So I just said this:

I wanted to prepare something special, but I just didn't get to it. The biggest lesson I learned though wasn't something I learned in Math or was told by a counselor. But it's what I found out myself. Some people think I have the perfect life. I have great grades, I take part in many activities, and I have a great family. But that's not the case. There are many things that I wish I could talk about but I can't. I don't want to share those things but here's the point. The point is we are supposed to come out of this learning something. Not academically but something about ourselves. During my journey, I learned something about myself. I learned that before I trust another person I have to trust myself. I made that mistake. I trusted someone but instead in the end I learned that I didn't truly know my own self. And without that I don't know how I have lived. I persuaded myself to think that I was one way. But instead i was the total opposite. And know I'm going to learn from my mistakes. Don't make the same mistake I did. Learn to know yourself first, before you go learning about someone else. And I want to thank everyone that left me behind. I hope your proud of me. Thank You!

I didn't know what to say so I just like said what I felt.

All the graduates received their diplomas, and there were many tears. But at the end I immediately left. I had no more business at that school, so I wanted to leave.

Plus now that school had some memories I hoped I can forget.

I just got off school grounds, and someone grabbed my arm. I turned around to see Hyunjin.