Just A Friend?

chapter thirty-eight

" why dear what happened? you are dissimilar than your usual self" Sridevi's eyes showed the gentle concern she held for sweety. they stood at the kitchen. Sweety keeps her gaze at the kitchen tiles. The kitchen tiles were a rich warm cream, the kind of hue that is soothing in its gentleness. she doesn't have the courage to look straight into Sridevi's eyes and spoke.

" I... T..t...that...I...." Sweety stammered as the first letter of a word gets repeated before the word is finally spat out. Sridevi laid her hand lightly on her shoulder, and she was soothed by it.  she left her hand there and spoke with such a soft voice. 

" Okay relax! calm down! you don't have to be so nervous around me darling, what's the matter? it's so rare to see you like this. don't be stress. just spit it out whatever you want to say, dear.   " Sridevi said. Sweety felt her words calming her more by the way they were said than the actual words. It felt as if she were wrapped in a blanket of a mother's caring. Sweety stare at her for a moment before taking a deep breath, let her heartbeat become steady. They counted down to their own demise as surely as a ticking bomb a while ago.

" I am really sorry for making so much trouble. I am so guilty as I am the reason for Prabhas's condition now" Sweety said. 

" No yo:--"

" No please let me talk" Sweety interrupt before Sridevi spoke. Sridevi didn't utter a word, waiting for sweety to speak.

" Even though I left even without informing you in the past, you still welcome me wholeheartedly after I come back all of sudden from nowhere. but I didn't consider your feelings at that time. honestly, I have to say I never miss home all this while because of you guys. you guys always make me feel home. You still accept me back even after whatever I have done to you all. Even after I broke your son's heart" sweety said, pause for a while. 

" I am really sorry darling! You and uncle always try to console me saying I am not the reason for Prabhas's condition but I can't cheat myself. I simply can't fool my inner soul. I know I am the reason for all the disaster that has happened to you all these months. I can't just stop blaming myself. not after what I have done to Prabhas  " A lonely tear of guilt left her eyes. The guilt sat not on her chest but inside her brain. What she had done she could not un-do and it's hard for her to accept it.

" Even though you all can forgive me but I can't. I am a failure myself Darling. But Prabhas is not like that. He is a gem, The most amazing person I ever met. He did a lot for me but what I did as gratitude? how I repay him? by Broking his heart? I am a cruel creature that God ever created. " Sridevi places her hand on sweety's mouth stopping her from speak further. she shook her head side to side as tears welled her eyes. Sweety gently removes her hand from her mouth. Sridevi could see the perfected mask of pretense crumbling down and raw emotions taking over. the pain visible in her eyes.

" He deserves better Darling, Someone who can love him with all her heart. Not someone who hurt him as I did. But I swear I never intended to hurt him. I never knew he has feelings for me. I was furious at that time when he confessed to me. I don't know what has come to me! I was not in my sense at that time. Anger overtook me and said those harsh words." the emotion grabs her by the tongue and dries her mouth. her throat hurt for each word she spoke.

"This past 4 years was hell to me. I struggle a lot to shut the people's mouth. they love to judge people. the comments I receive for my size from this society, but I am all the stronger for my battle scars. So instead of letting the insecurities about my size take me down, I tell myself everything will be alright. I vowed to change myself for the society as the society is not ready to make a change. I want to change the people's mindset but being a single woman fighting against society is an impossible thing to do. but I remind myself that I am a good person, even to the people who do bad things to me. I do good things, I have a heart full of love and there is the world is full of good people out there. I make myself believe that. Insecurities can only hold me back, stop me from reaching my dreams. when my size is my insecurity I put effort to destroy it completely. I believe it won't come back but it proves me I was wrong"