He Killed Her Slowly (A Completed Steamy, Romance)

Part 37

I've been in Paris for three days, and I've already done two photoshoots. Victoria was a sight for sore eyes, but she isn't able to numb my pain.

I thought back over my life, and I have to wonder if this is karma. Sure, I was there when my parents were ill, but what did I ever do to help my grandma? I've learned when there's a bitter heart, it's because of pain. My grandmother suffered tremendously.

My mother raised her niece and treated her like her own daughter. My mom and sister were very close, and at times I got jealous. I was the princess after all, and I demanded their full attention.

Was Diara's bond with our mom as strong as the one I have with Greer?

The whole time my parents were alive, after Diara ghosted us, mom was sick and going through treatments, while my father sat loyally with my mother and took care of her every need. I should have been the one going to New York and demand to see her, to comfort and help her.

She was addicted to heroin, I spoke to her on the phone, and didn't pick up any cues. She had a daughter, and I didn't even know.

I should have been more demanding and diligent with my sister. Instead, I was chasing my dreams and living the high life all over the world, then feeling sorry for myself for having no family. I could have changed all of that, but I was only worried about myself.

Amanda had a dream of doing Victoria's secret shoot at Christmas and it was between the two of us who got the job. I could have turned them down but I didn't. It wasn't even my dream.

Then, when I was told about Greer, I considered not getting involved and allowing the state to find her a loving home. I didn't want to give up my lifestyle, not even for a child.

I enjoyed my job, and I'm proud of my body. I get to be the princess Diara made me believe I was, and I get respect and attention. Now, I just want to cover up and share it with one person. Let him, and only him, look at me and touch me.

There was something about Asher when he was in my room, that was so different than any man before. He didn't look at me like an object, or with some need to devour my body and be rough. He looked at me with soft eyes, and I knew I was safe with him. He was not there just because of my body. He listened as I spoke. My words meant something to Asher.

He might be a prick a lot of the time, but I wonder if he was bitter because of Diara. Maybe he loved her more than he cares to admit. Maybe he's not much different than grandma.

Problem is, I feel myself slipping away and becoming someone else. The person I'm becoming isn't a princess or a model for high priced labels around the world.

The person I'm becoming, is a woman who now knows what it is to love a man that could never be hers. I've finally admitted it to myself. Greer isn't the only one I need. I need Asher to love me, keep me safe, and talk sense into me before I make rash decisions. To eat ice cream with me in the middle of the night. To hold me for the sake of comfort at times. My father was the only man to ever hug or hold me for that reason, until I met Asher.

I wish with every ounce of life I have left in me, that he would have given me a reason to stay. Instead, the reason to go, opened the door and interrupted our hug. She took his attention away, but she has that right. She's soon to be his wife and the mother of his children.

My stylist is doing my hair and makeup for the fashion show. This isn't my first rodeo. I've done hundreds of these events, but this one is a huge opportunity.

"We're on in five girls, snap snap!"

I quickly slid into my first gown, then waited to walk out. My heart isn't into this, not just the show, but the lifestyle. This is why I've refused to sign a contract, and my trip to Morocco is on hold.

I can just jump ship now and travel the world if I want, or go home and find fulfilling work behind the camera, Maybe even start my own modeling agency.

Adam stood next to me and looked over the creation that was blessed upon my body. It's an honor to wear such a highly respected designer's clothes.

I did my walk all under the watchful eye of my manager, and he smiled proudly when I returned.

A few wardrobe changes, additional eye makeup, and hairstyles later, the show was finally complete.

I was picking up my belongings from my assigned vanity, when Adam approached. "You did great tonight, I'll escort you back to the hotel. Maybe go back to mine and get some room service and wine?" He said.

"Sure, I'm actually hungry," I replied.

He chuckled. "I swear your appetite is going to catch up to you someday."

I just smiled and gave him a wink.

I know Adam has his own motives to get me to go back to his room. It's not like I'm naïve and have no idea what he has planned, but I need to rediscover myself ,and he may just be the man to help.