Save Me (Roger Taylor FanFiction) [Wattys 2019]

23: Olivia

A/N

This chapter is not going to be a fun chapter and there are going to be mentions of suicide so if you don't like that kind of thing please skip this chapter. You are forewarned.

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*25th December 1971*

FRANKLY, I COULDN'T BELIEVE that I was about to tell Roger this about my life. No one in England knew this.

"I moved down here to escape a horrible thing that happened in Scotland," I began, he looked at me, silently encouraging me to continue.

"Um," I swallowed my fears and decided to open up to him. "My sister, she um... She killed herself," I bit my lower lip and avoided his immediately sympathetic gaze.

"Jesus, Jules, I'm so sorry,"

"It's okay. Well... not really. She did it on Christmas Day a few years ago. She didn't leave a note or anything. She just did it and left us to deal with the mess she left. I just get so angry and upset around this time." I hated talking about this particular topic. I never was very good with the spoken word.

My voice was monotone, emotionless. I was awful at expressing emotions. That's when I suddenly remembered that I'd written my feelings down a long time ago.

"I don't even know what to say," he placed his hand on my shoulder in a comforting way. I put my hand on top of his to let him know I appreciated it.

"Neither do I," I replied simply. "I've never been very good at speaking about my feelings out loud. But I did write them down. I'll be back," I said and ran upstairs to the bag I'd taken from the house I once shared with Lucas.

I pulled out the old envelope with my sister's name on the front. I made my way back downstairs, the envelope weighing me down with every step.

I slowly opened the envelope for what felt like the millionth time and began to read aloud:

        

"There was an assembly for you today. I know you'd hate it. You'd hate all the tissues wet with tears which had fallen from unfamiliar eyes; they fell for you. All those people didn't know you so why are they crying?

All those candles were lit to send prayers to God; what for? If only people had thought of that before all this then maybe you'd be here to see it. This place is full of attention seekers who didn't even know what your face looked like.

I don't even know why you did what you did. You didn't even leave a note.  There was no way I could've seen it coming; you never were much of a talker. There are people I don't know who keep hugging me, sending me their prayers and thoughts. I don't deserve their prayers and thoughts, I didn't do anything to help you.

I'm so angry at you. You should've just come to me and I'd have helped you, you know I would. I asked you what was wrong all the time and you never told me. I was here just like I said. Did you think you were a burden or something? You never were to me, I promise.

Where are you now? Are you actually still with me like they keep telling me? What does that even mean? You're not here; you're gone.

Your face is gone. Your laugh is gone. Your beautiful smile is too.

The light you shone on my world will never shine again.

It's like you took a sword, took a swing and left a huge gash on every single memory of you that I have. Every moment I can think of makes me want to cry. When you left, you took all the light out of my life. You took my desire to keep moving.