Save Me (Roger Taylor FanFiction) [Wattys 2019]

35: Awake in a Sleeping World

*14th May 1972*

ROGER WAS STARTING TO feel a lot better and I was glad of it. I could now stop worrying all the time that he was going to hurt himself. His ribs were giving him the most trouble, even now.

We hadn't heard anything about Lucas and I was starting to wonder if they'd even gone to question him; surely they'd have gotten back to us.

It made me angry to think that Lucas had wanted to do this to Roger. I wonder how long he'd wanted to do this because he never ever liked Roger; that should've been my first clue.

The thought of dating Lucas made me want to be sick. He was never a good boyfriend.

Sometimes, like right now, I lie awake in bed thinking about everything that had happened. Roger was fast asleep next to me and the fact that it was starting to get lighter outside told me it must've been about 3 o'clock in the morning.

I decided to get up because there was no way I was getting to sleep. I grabbed Roger's jumper which was lying on the floor in the bedroom. I pulled it over my head and went downstairs, opened the back door, grabbed a chair and sat outside.

The dull light that was spreading across the cloudless sky teased me with the promise of a beautiful sun rise if I only stayed up long enough to see it. The gentle coolness of early in a late spring morning was comforting and a welcome break from the constant tension I felt in my head. There was something highly spiritual about being awake when no one else was; I was truly alone with my baby.

My thoughts drifted to Olivia. I wonder where she was right now. She was so far away yet I felt her presence more right this second than I ever had before. The beauty of her body and mind was truly irreplaceable and the world seems a much less bright place.

The beautiful smell of a fresh spring morning filled my nostrils and calmed my heart beat just a bit. This was a stillness you could only feel when all the world was sleeping but you. I knew she was here in this beauty and tranquility; that's all she ever wanted in life. I just wish she could have found it in this life rather than in the next life where I could no longer hold her in my arms. 

Life was such a fragile thing and that makes it all the more valuable. I wish I'd appreciated her more when she walked the world beside me. It's sad that people never love enough until the person is too far away to feel it from you. 

I wish she could've explained it to me; she used to talk to me all the time and then suddenly, she didn't want to let anyone in at all. I guess I should've known something bad was going to happen. 

I didn't realise I was crying until a warm droplet of salty water slipped onto my lip but I didn't stop myself. In their slumber, no one was around to judge my tears. It was nice to let it out to Roger but there are some tears you must save for only your eyes. 

But I guess I wasn't truly alone.

I placed my hand on my stomach and focused on the little life growing inside me. What a spectacular thing it was to know there was a whole new human being in my womb. Suddenly, I felt a little movement from inside my body; a wee kick. 

I laughed a bit and raised one hand to my face to wipe my constantly falling tears. I rubbed my belly with my other hand.

"I can feel you, my darlin'" I whispered, "I know you're going to be the best thing that's ever happened to me and I can't wait to meet you," 

This was the first moment I'd felt like I was actually going to be a mother. I was going to be a mother! It hadn't seemed real up until this minute; it was more like a hazy dream. 

A wee baby was coming. My wee baby. 

"Jules, love?" The sound of Roger's voice broke me out of my reverie, making me jump. I quickly wiped my eyes and turned to look at him. 

"Roger, you scared me there," 

"Yeah, and you scared me when I couldn't find you anywhere at half three in the morning. What are you doing out here? You shouldn't be out here, it's too cold," He told me, coming to kneel down next to me. 

"Sorry, Rog; I'm just enjoying the peace. I couldn't sleep, you see. And it's not that cold, I never really mind it being cold anyway," 

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

"You seemed so peaceful and you need your rest, you've had a tough time recently. How come you're awake?" 

"My ribs were giving me bother," He said, rubbing his side gently. 

"Aww, I wish I could take your pain away," I said, at a loss. I didn't like him being in pain and I knew he was making it seem a lot less painful than it actually was for my sake. 

"It's alright, love," He replied. I caressed his face with the back of my hand. He took hold of my fingers and lowered my hand to his lips. He pressed a sweet kiss to my knuckles and held my hand in his for a bit. 

"Look, Roger, it's the sunrise," I said, excited to see it. I never stayed up late and I never woke up early enough to see the sunrise so I was excited. 

The sunlight peaked out under the horizon and filled the blue sky with beautiful shades of orange and yellow. The sunrise painted the garden in which we sat with a pink hue and the air was immediately warmer. 

Birds began to chirp musically from their trees as Roger and I watched nature unfold in front of us. 

"Will we go back to bed?" Roger asked, standing up with my hand still in his. I could've sat there for hours but I knew Roger needed rest and there was no way he was going back upstairs without me so I reluctantly stood up, taking the chair into my arms and carrying it back inside. 

I took one last look at the safe haven I had found in nature and went back inside with Roger. I hadn't realised how chilly I was until I stepped into the warmth of the house. Now I was desperate to get back into bed and snuggle up to Roger's constant warmth. He was my only source of heat because I was so cold all the time. 

This time when I got back into bed, I fell asleep right away. I dreamt about Olivia, my wee baby and my Roger. It was the happiest I'd felt in months. 

----------------------------------------------------

A/N

So, this chapter was a bit more abstract than all the others.

Let me explain. 

When I was dealing with all the crap I went through last year, I discovered the beauty of being awake in a sleeping world. It gives you time to think about everything you avoid when others are there to stop you going over things too much. It gives time for you to work things out with yourself. I dunno, something to consider I guess. Nature and three in the morning in May were two things that helped me a lot last year.

Okay, I'm gunna stop being depressing. 

I hope you guys enjoyed this wee filler. (Drama is very much on its way). 

Keep reading!

Xx

P.S.

What are we thinking about the new cover?