REALITY

Fear Has Become Me

How are you supposed to see good around the corner when all you feel is pain and fear?
I hate change. Because with change comes different living.
Change can either bring happiness or despair and all I can pray for is that it's happiness and contentment.
That's all I wish for in life is to be happy but with this new year beginning, I'm terrified.
I'm so scared.
This last year I lost everything.

Because people decided I wasn't good enough for them.

I have so much hate and hurt towards those two fake girls that I hate to go to school and see their faces, every day.

Just fake it till you make it they say.

But when will I make it?

Because it feels like all I'm doing is faking being happy and faking kindness to those who have ripped out my heart over and over again.

I can't forgive them.

I believe forgiving those who have broken my soul is the hardest thing I have ever attempted to do.

All I do is fake it.
I want to be true, but I can't be happy so I pretend to be happy.
I can't be kind to those who have hurt me so I pretend to be kind.

I need help forgiving these people. Forgiveness and trust are the hardest things for me to give.

God help me. I need help.

I need help being happy.
I need help going through every day.
I need help with my mental Illnesses.
I need help being a good friend and a good girlfriend.
I need help being kind.
I need help forgiving people that have wronged me.
I need help trusting people.

Just help me God, I am afraid.

God take my fear.

Because that is where I live.

All I do is worry and become afraid.

It feels like fear has become me,
I feel as if it is not something I feel but something that has become a part of me.
And I need it to be executed,
Because I can't keep living like this.

All I see is darkness.