*༶тαѕтєѕ ѕσ ѕωєєт | h.ѕ ༶*

Please Go ♡

♡

I leave my fluffy pink pen to sit on top of my diary as I get up from my chair and flip off the lamp. I decided to write to my diary before Harry and I's date because as of lately, it seems I usually just end up sleeping at Harry's apartment, and I don't really want my diary to wait up for me. I used to think my little space I call my apartment was perfect for me. It had everything I needed really, enough space for my books, a bed, a spot for my record player and vinyl, a small kitchen. But the last few weeks I've been spending more time at Harry's than here. Sometimes he sleeps here, but there is something about being in his space, where he thinks, where he writes, where he lays. It's so much better to me than anything I have here.

I walk over to my mirror that hangs attached to my closet door, observing the way I look. It's different for sure. I've never really seen myself look the way I do right now. It's not just the dress, it's everything. My face has a soft wash of light to it, even in my dimly lit apartment and my eyes don't look at my reflection and instantly want to tear up. They're bright and wild now as they look back at the girl who feels like she's finally something.

Even if it is just His.

My lips pull at the corners smiling, excitement and nerves coasting through my body. I apply a thin coat of my vanilla bean chapstick before grabbing my petticoat from off the hanger by my door, folding the heavy fabric in half and holding it close to my stomach as I walk out of my apartment door, my smile falling instantly.

He's there standing at the bottom steps with another set of arms that aren't mine wrapped around his neck.

Lola.

My mind can't seem to keep up with my emotions as tears flood my heated cheeks and my heart feels like it's slowly shattering into millions of little memories and fragments of Harry that I never wanted to lose. I don't say anything as my sobbing makes it's way to Harry and Lola's ears. Harry pushes Lola off of him as if he wasn't just infatuated by her, and Lola pushes at Harry in the same way as if he was the only one guilty in the act. Lola and Harry both rush up the stairs, but I don't let them get to me. I run back inside of my apartment, slamming the door in both of their faces as tears continue to stream from my eyes on a constant loop.

"Flora James!" I hear Harry's disembodied voice shout from outside my thin door, Lola following soon after. "Flora! He just kissed me! It wasn't me!" She yells and I slide down the door, sobbing. They bicker back and forth on the other side of the door, but my crying is to loud to hear what they're saying. I listen to Harry call for me through the door, call my cell phone, text me, any form of communication he tries it for an hour straight, but I eventually grow tired of it. My ears not wanting to hear the sound of Harry's sweet voice taunting me. I knew he would never actually want me. I knew that I would have to wake up sooner or later from the dream world I had been living in. I was so stupid for thinking a boy as pretty as Harry would settle for a girl like me.

I open my door. Harry stands in front of me, his emerald eyes that once twinkled back at me are now pleading, hoping for forgiveness. But I know I can't give that to him. Lola sits on the floor lazily as if she is angry at me for being such a drama queen, which only sparks the blood in my veins to boil.

"Flor-," Harry starts to speak, but I don't let him. I can't let him talk to me when the only thing I want to do is pull him inside and let him comfort me. But he's the one who hurt me, so I can't. "No. Please both of you just leave." The words come out of my mouth and I realize it's the hardest thing I've ever had to say. Not to Lola, but to Harry.

"Please, Flora James let me-"

"Harry what could you possibly explain? I get it. You want her. She clearly wants you. I was nothing but an experiment, right? A joke of some sorts?"

"No of course not, Flora James," Harry seems physically pained by my words, and I hate it. "Harry, please go."

"We should just leave her alone Harry." Lola starts walking towards the steps, waiting for Harry to follow her. She doesn't bother trying to apologize to me, and I know then she was never my friend. I was only the girl who made her feel better about herself because I am fat and she it not. I am ugly and she is beautiful. I had something she didn't though. Love.

At least I thought I did.

"You can go wherever the hell you want! I am not leaving this spot until I talk to Flora James." Harry mutters harshly at her, and it's the most vulnerable I've ever seen him be.

"You're really passing me up, for her?" Lola says disgusted, and I can feel my heart cracking into yet another piece of brokenness. Harry doesn't answer, and she scoffs at both of us and walks down the stairs, slamming the door as she walks outside the building.

Harry stands there watching me, his emerald eyes pleading with mine. And as much as I want to run to him, I can't. I don't know what happened, but I know that I don't think I even want to know. I was silly for thinking Harry and I could be something. My blurry eyes filled with tear drops meet his one last time before closing the door softly in his face.

♡