The Daily Journal of an Average Teenaged Girl

Entry#3: 8-25-14

DDD# 8

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I'm trembling and my knees are shaking. I swear, I'm going to break again, and starting to second guess the whole thing.

So here's the deal: You read yesterday's post! Today he came over, weird sexual shit happened (like, things were said and done, but nothing was acted upon!), but all in all, we were just laying in bed talking and having fun.

And I made up a rule a whole ago that exists only with us; "If you start to say something, YOU HAVE to finish it." You can't just say 'Oh never mind'. And we both abide to the rule. And yes, a lot of the times it backfires in me. But the main reason I made this rule is 1. I always want to know what's on his mind, and he hasn't a filter! But 2. Was to help me!! I get to shy and nervous about certain subjects, sometimes I don't say anything at all. With this rule, we pester each other to make sure we get it out.

"You know, I have a question, and it's kinda odd..awkward..." I start... Not wanting to finish, but knowing I can't break the rule.

"Well now you need to ask!" David responds.

I look at him with sheepish eyes, and I sigh. My heart fumbles as I try to sputter it out.

"A friend once said, a relationship is just being bestfriends--" I start.

"Yes, you told me that." He then reminds me.

Do I force out my question.

"Why aren't we dating? I mean...that's what we do!" My heart was sore from being nervous.

He sighs internally, thinking. I can tell. He finally says, "... I'll think about it."

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This is technically the 3rd or 4th time I've asked him to date in a way. Each time I was let down, making me depressed or cry, or even regret loving him. And I'm really afraid that the 4th time is definitely not the charm. I'm afraid of denial yet again. My heart hurts. I'm scared again.

Waiting on an answer with the odds out of your favor is the HARDEST thing I have ever done...

Aw man...

~Keep Smiling

-Sharpie