Clinical conditions are varied and widespread. Some are more serious than others. Some are explained, others aren’t though most fall under a variety of factors -- did you know that one of the reasons that some people are obese are because of a odd proportion of certain bacteria in their gut? There’ve been some studies that show that what bacteria you have in your gut determines your weight. And what’s more, because your bacteria are different, you digest differently so you could gain weight eating the same things a skinny person does, making it damn near impossible for some fat people to lose weight on a skinny person’s diet. Unless the bigger folks change their bacterial flora. Essentially, your gut flora determines your weight. Funny story, similar studies have found connections between gut bacteria and autism symptoms.
People find studies like this surprising because they don’t realize that you’re made of more bacteria than anything that’s identifiably human -- at least ten times (if not a hundred times) more bacterial cells are in your body than human cells. Mind boggling, isn’t it?
So what does this have to do with writing?
Absolutely nothing. But it serves to prove a point. Some of us are what doctors clinically refer to as “chatterboxes”.
I swear it’s a thing (no, it’s actually not but I pretend it is).
The problem with us chatterboxes is that we simply don’t stop. Ever. Instead, we keep nattering about just about anything. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. Unless it’s in a story. In which case, unless we have freaking amazing character voices, it’s boring as all hell.
Non-stop dialogue is mind-numbing, people. It’s tedious to read and it’s annoying, because it means that you’re incapable of showing emotion and/or furthering plot without stating it explicitly. You just want your characters to say stuff like “I hate you!” or “I’m just so… sad.” or “Yay! Let’s go partay!” under the pretext that you’re not sure if the reader “understands” what’s going on. Unless you’re writing about robots incapable of displaying emotion, this shouldn’t even be a problem. Because if it is a problem for you, it means that all you’re doing is telling. Which is sad. Especially since there are so very many fantastic internet guides that can help you show emotions more instead of just telling them (so go out there and google them, dang it!). There’s absolutely no need to state everything that’s going on. Readers have a degree of intelligence, you know*.
Then there’s the issue of repetitive dialogue structure. There are several ways of writing dialogue out there so you can mix it up to prevent reader-boredom.
For instance:
“Luke, I am your father.” Darth Vader said.
Darth Vader said, “Luke, I am your father.”
“Luke,” Darth Vader said “I am your father.”
Darth Vader said that he was Luke’s father.
Four options for one set of dialogue. We haven’t even gotten into different descriptors either like cackled or hissed or snapped or anything like that.
Dialogue is complex. It really is; it’s hard to get the tone of someone’s words on paper but that’s why there are so many options out there. Use them if you don’t want readers to feel the overwhelming desire to pull out their eye-removing sporks out of sheer boredom (Hi King Lear! You all know that was the real reason. Just sayin’).
*Some readers are truly dumber than a sea cucumber, but I’d like to remind you all that at least most of them are capable of understanding written ideas. So long as you write them simply. Eg: “For breakfast, I shattered an embryo and placed on a cast-iron skillet where I allowed heated triglycerides to denature proteins for a prolonged period of time to ensure complete and permanent deformation. I then ate the mass of albumin and other assorted, altered polymers.” vs. “For breakfast, I fried an egg and ate it.” In this case, it would honestly not be the reader’s fault if they didn’t understand.
I’ve changed my mind. I’m going to mark this as complete and add on chapters when I think of stuff mainly because I’m craving a little checkmark. Just saying. On another side note, the hamster story is nearly ready to be published and I hope to put it up either today or tomorrow! Yay hamster love!
Aaaaand, it's up! http://www.wattpad.com/67969415-a-lecture-by-professor-emeritus-dr-mauritius Aka, "A Lecture by Professor Emeritus Dr. Mauritius Petitqueue"
