How to Deal With Amnesia

Chapter 12: Honest Reply

"Now, we only have to put the meat pies in the oven and wait." Astrid said as she closed the oven door.

"Meat Pie, that seems good!" He commented, they both had to work in different things; he prepared the meat while she made the pastry and helped him. "Yes, now we can clean everything up." The boy started gathering the cutlery they used for the cooking and took it to the washbasin so he started washing it while Astrid started organizing the dishes. "Nice choice, and it's different from what we had recently..." He continued talking, slightly nervous and not being able to stand an uncomfortable silence between them, he hoped she would continue the conversation, because he was getting tired of talking about food, yet he didn't know anything else to say.

"Yeah... I learned it with you."

"Really? I... I didn't know... Wait, where did I get it from?"

Astrid laughed and bit her lower lip to contain the smile. "With Gobber's old recipes."

"Wow, that was... unexpected..." Hiccup giggled as well and finished washing the used cutlery and started doing the other dishes.

He didn't remember that... and it felt... empty...

He really hated this hole in his life; this three-year hole. Having people talk about things he did was a little unsettling. The smile he had slowly faded, replaced by the serious face while he rubbed the pan he used to prepare the meat.

As he went silent, Astrid turned to look at him. She could always tell when something was bothering him, really bothering him. And she was satisfied to know she could still do that, even though they were off tune and with an abyss between them.

"Hiccup, what's wrong?" He opened his mouth and began saying 'noth-' but he was cut off by her. She totally had no patent for that. "Don't even think about saying 'nothing'."

"Do you read minds or something?" He joked.

"No, I just know how to read you. Now, tell me what's wrong."

The boy sighed deeply and left the pan and sponge so he could support himself on the counter, letting his head fall as he gathered courage. She raised a hand to rest on his shoulder, but he stood tall and turned to look at her before she could finish the movement. The way he seemed lost and sad surprised her. It was rare to see those forest green orbs without resolution, in fact, the last time she had seen him like this was when Viggo and Ryker were playing them.

Hiccup took another deep breath, which only made her worry.

"What if this is it?" He said and she could sense the distress in his being.

"What do you mean?"

"What if I never get my memories back? It's been almost two days and I only have one or two memories and a bunch of flashes out of context that I don't even know if it's real or not. I mean, yesterday, Fishlegs was talking about how Toothless got sick when he ate an eel and sneezed red exploding blasts, but I... I don't know if the picture I have of it in my mind is true or if I'm making this up with his descriptions and... and I'm just... lost..." His shoulders fell in defeat.

"Hiccup, our minds can trick us sometimes, you know. We don't remember every detail and sometimes we get the order of the facts all wrong."

"Yes, but it's different. I don't even know who I am anymore. I feel like there's something lacking in me. I remember being one thing, but people say I'm another. I remember the world being one way, now it's totally the opposite. I remember being cast out, now Im part of a team... What if I get stuck in this state of just some stupid flashes that I don't even know if they're real or not?"