Back to the Start(nalu)

13- Gratitude

This time around, everything seemed as if it sped up a little. Instead of the slow motion that occurred every single time Lucy was in view last time, the day went by quicker.

Eating with Lucy and Happy, talking about the guild and heading out to go the guild didn't go by so slowly. Here we are, already at nightfall. The day is already over and Lucy and Happy are both already asleep.

They both lay around the fire I made, sleeping soundly. I lay on my back, my hands underneath my head serving as a pillow.

I won't be sleeping tonight.

I have to stay awake and watch her.

I'll keep watch to make sure she stays safe.

I fell asleep last time, and because of that I failed. Time swept forward to the point where Lucy died because I didn't do what I needed to do. I won't fail this time. I'll stay awake for as long as I have to.

The night drags on slowly. Watching the sky and waiting for the sun to appear is tedious. I notice every little change. I watched as the sun had slowly retreated, as the colors had changed from the reds and purples to the dark blue. I watched as every single star popped into the sky and filled the great area.

The moon is full and bright tonight.

Huh. I didn't know that there was a full moon the night we had met.

My eyes eventually have to fight to stay open, exhaustion slowly starting to settle in, but fear keeps me from letting myself fall asleep. I'm afraid that as soon as I close my eyes I'll open them to a blood covered Lucy with fading eyes.

My head tilts to the side and my eyes lock onto Lucy.

The sight of her chest moving up and down steadily is the only comfort that I have throughout the long night.

I look back up at the sky and continue on with my observing. As the hours go by I count the stars and connect them in every possible way that I can imagine.

After so long, my eyes close, but my minds stays awake. I replay this day over and over again in my head. Three times. I've experienced this day three times now. Each one is almost exactly the same, with only a few small differences here and there.

Eventually, the darkness behind my eyelids starts to change into orange as light shines through the thin layer of skin. The sun rises outside of my eyelids, the moon and all of the stars that I have ingrained in my head from the hours of looking at them retreating back for the day.

My ears pick up on some rustling as someone wakes up. They yawn, giving away that it's Lucy. I keep my eyes closed, not bothering to get up yet or show that I'm awake.

The noise goes on for a little bit and I lay there peacefully listening to Lucy until Happy wakes up and is shaking my shoulder moments later.

"Wake up!"

I open my eyes and groan.

"What the heck, Happy?"

He smiles innocently at me. I roll my eyes and slowly sit up.

"I've got food if you guys are hungry."

Happy perks up and immediately rushes over to Lucy who is looking through her bag. She brings out a sandwich and Happy snatches it from her. He unwraps it and takes a big bite.

"This is delicious!"

Lucy shrugs and rummages through her bag.

"It's just leftovers from the restaurant."

She grabs another sandwich wrapped in paper from her bag and outstretches her arm towards me.

"Here."

I grab it from her slowly, a lump forming in my throat. Lucy unwraps her own and starts eating while I stare at the sandwich in my hands.

It's so simple.

Just a couple of sandwiches that she grabbed before we left the restaurant to head out.

Just staring at it makes the lump in my throat grow and my eyes burn with tears. I have to bite my lip to keep them from falling.

She's always taking care of us.

Always.

She's the solid ground that Happy and I never had. She took care of the basics in the way that I never did. That's why I always went to her home. I could always count on it to be there. There was always a place to sleep instead of the trash covered bed that had lost its blankets and pillows. There was always food in the pantry instead of a moldy loaf of bread. The ceiling didn't leak and none of the lights flickered or were out and in need of replacing.

It was never dark or empty. Lucy was there. Even if she wasn't, her presence was enough. There was always a pen and ink sitting on the desk waiting to be used, the candles that were always the same scent because it was her favorite and all of the photos she had on her desk and her nightstand.

She was always there...

And I was never thankful.

I was never grateful.

I never thanked her for feeding me and letting me crash at her place and for always putting up with my antics. I never thanked her for everything that she did.

I smile sadly at the sandwich.

I should've done better for you.

My gaze rises to Lucy, who munches on her food silently.

She notices my gaze and her eyes meet mine.

It's not too late to make up for the things that I didn't do.

She's here now.

"Thank you, Lucy."

————
So I'm realizing that I find it hard to write inner monologues for Natsu. I can make Lucy monologue for-freaking-ever! But when it comes to Natsu I can't seem to get more than a few sentences...but I am getting better with it

Anyway sorry for not updating in so long I've been working on a nalu short called visitor from the future. I haven't started uploading it yet but I will in the next few weeks.

✌🏼