Love At First Fight

Chapter Fifty Five

Violet

After the kiss that Trevor and I shared there was no way for me to prepare for the awkwardness that ensued. Neither of us seemed to want to be the one to start a conversation first so Trevor simply went back to finishing the hot chocolate and I made my way into the living room to avoid sitting in silence. 

I was internally freaking out because I'd never put myself in a situation like this, but externally I was somehow maintaining my composure. I don't even know what was thinking when I kissed Trevor. Why would I willingly ruin whatever inkling of a friendship we were trying to save while having that conversation? I can't help but to think that I may have just ruined this entire rest of the night for both of us.

I sigh deeply as I allow my head to drop in between my knees as I stare down at the floor. As I usually do when I'm in situations that I don't want to be in, I begin over analyzing everything that needs to happen next. In my mind there are only two possible ways that this will go when Trevor pops his head into the room once he's finished making the hot chocolate. Either we completely ignore the kiss and act like it never happened or we address the kiss and have a long awkwardly drawn out conversation about how a relationship between the two of us would never work. 

That's at least what my mind is telling me. A big part of me couldn't really see Trevor and I in any sort of relationship other than the cordial one that we've always had. But the smaller part of my mind, once again, paints a picture of what that relationship could possibly look like. The picture isn't necessarily a portrait, it's more like a stick figure sketch. But it's something nonetheless. 

"What're you thinking so hard about?"

I quickly pick my head up from it's resting place and look over to see Trevor standing in the doorway with two mugs in his hand. Blinking up at him I don't respond to his question as my eyes scan over his face. A thought that I've never had about the boy in front of me before our kiss tonight pops into my head before I can stop it. 

He looks really good right now.

Shaking my head quickly in an attempt to shoo away the thoughts that are running around rampant in my mind now, I look away from Trevor to try to focus on something else. Trevor is obviously confused by my dismissive behavior, but I'm thankful that he doesn't acknowledge it as he sets the two cups down on the table in front of me. He takes a seat in the chair next to the couch that I've situated myself in. 

The atmosphere is uncomfortable, just as I assumed that it would be before he came into the room. It would seem that the majority of the reason for the feeling in the room lays on me though. I've steadied my gaze back on my lap and kept silence, not bothering to say anything. I begin to wonder where my usual confidence has gone in this moment. It's not often that I shy away from confrontation. 

"Listen Violet..." I prepare myself for the conversation that I'd rather avoid more than anything right now. I should have just made a break for it as soon as I walked out of the kitchen. It's my fault that I threw myself into this situation though so I should deal with the consequences and just move on with my life. "I don't want you to think that everything should be awkward between us now-"

"Everything is awkward between us now," I cut him off suddenly finding my voice. "I'm such an idiot."