Silent destruction

CHAPTER 6

BECA'S POV

After a day filled with me trying to get my schedule changed, I finally got out of school. It's not the schedule itself, but some of these classes, I don't agree with. Like I have music class. I would like that class, but I just don't want to expose my musical talents. That's for myself, I haven't played for anybody since I was 12.

For Bailee and Bryson the instruments they like to play, I'd demonstrate how to do it, either by showing them how. Or giving them a sample how. I don't play fully though. Music is the only thing I'm selfish with when it comes to them.

I used to sing for them all the time. When Bryce was a baby, he couldn't sleep without someone, mainly me, singing to him. Now when that happens, I'd hum. It's not the same, I can tell, but it still comforts him. It just doesn't feel right to do that for someone anymore.

They said I couldn't transfer out of that class, without going to another class I can't stand. They wanted me to either go to language or gym. Since my health class automatically switch to gym next semester, I didn't see the point in that. I could've added an extra core class, but I have enough credits that I'll be able to graduate at the end of the year. But I still need credits in the other classes.

In gym class, we would have coach Hill. He always bugs me about wearing the school's gym uniform. I always try to wear my compression stuff. I'd usually wear it under the uniform to please him.

See, I wear the compression outfit because I have a lot of questionable scars on my body. I'm not afraid of the questions. But, to be honest, I'm a little insecure about that. I even got tattoos over them to cover them up. Plus, it brings back memories that I'd rather stay in the past. And every time I see them, I think of the worst. I barely even look at them in the mirror when I change.

The scars starts on my shoulders, it scatters all on my back. There's some on my arms. And quite a bit on my legs. But I don't wear the compression pants because of them.

I wear the compression pants because, in gym they make the girls wear small, tight shorts. And I'm not a normal girl, so I can't wear certain things. Well, without my little friend taking a peak.

If you don't know what I'm talking about. It should be obvious. I wasn't born like most girls. See, I was born intersex. Meaning, I'm a girl that was born with boy parts. I have boobs, but I also have balls. I'm pretty confident in both. But I don't go around screaming about myself having a penis. I wear the compression pants under the gym shorts, during gym days.

So, on with the point. I don't want to go to languages classes for two reasons. One, I already know the language options they gave me. And two, I was classified as selective mute when I was 7. It's gotten better over the years, but I still struggle with speaking.

By that, the thought of actually being graded on if you talk and participate. That'll rise my social anxiety. Forcing my mind into a state of defense. That just so happens to be, me physically not being able to talk. Rather I want to or not, I can't force myself to talk in those situations.

In other situations, it might be my choice on who I talk to. It's difficult to explain. But, just know. Some situations, I choice if I'm comfortable enough to talk to my close friends. Some times I'm not comfortable with talking to nobody at all. During those times, I usually can only talk to Bryce and Bailes.

So, I'm stuck in a predicament. I chose to skip all of my unwanted classes today. But tomorrow I'm going to talk to the teacher.

So the school day has ended. I'm the one who's picking up the kids. I usually pick them up after school. I enjoy the time with them. We usually go to the local rec center.