Silent destruction

Chapter 12

BECA'S POV

I finish setting up the camera, pointing it straight at me. I give an awkward wave, not exactly knowing what to do.

Taking a deep breath, I prepare to talk, "U-uh, I guess hi, again. Now if you're watching this, that means you already know what's it about. So, hi, future Beca. Did we finally make some progress?" I pause like I'm waiting for a reply, shaking my head because I know nothing will come.

"Well, today is the day. We've made plenty of vocal progress, I guess. Last year, you couldn't even talk to half of the gang, now you're talking to all of them, in somewhat full sentences. You've even gotten better at talking to people you're not comfortable with. Yes, most of those encounters have been based off of anger, but look at it this way, you're talking with emotion to more than two people. In the future, there'll be another Beca telling you of how we talked to somebody with genuine happiness, all by ourselves."

I take another deep breath, not used to talking this much. Even if it's just to myself in front of a camera.

"Y-you remember back, before everything, you'd only talk to-" Another heavy breath to steady the shakiness in my voice, and close my eyes as I try to imagine the words coming out of my mouth, like my speech therapist taught me, "you'd only talk to m-...mom and B-" I open my eyes, "yeah, you'd only talk to them."

"But wait, do I have news for you...." I make another pause but this time for dramatic effect, "We're talking to Chloe again, but she doesn't remember us. Well, of course not. When we were kids and best friends, that prick of a father of ours forced us to act like a boy." Letting out an emotionless chuckle, "We'd dress like a boy, and if he wasn't forcing us into playing the music he wanted us to compete with, we'd have to play sports like a boy. 'Only manly sports, like basketball and football, baseball is boyish but it's for pussies.' Oh were those fun times. Guess he didn't want an abomination, girl boy, the doctors said two sons and two sons is what he was gonna get, whether we liked it or not."

"But it was okay back then, yes, it was hard. Hard for a child to be forced to be someone else, hard to be beating because you're alive." I take a staggering breath, not wanting to remember any of this, but having to get it off my chest for this video. "It was hard, but it wasn't as torturous as you know what. Plus we had mom, Bailee back then too, even though she was only a little kid, and B-...and Chloe."

I smile with that thought, she was everything I needed when I was younger, "Chloe was our saving Grace remember? Our own personal angel. She didn't always know sign language, but she was willing to learn because of us. She got us out of the house with reason, whenever you didn't have anything to be busy with when Dad was there alone with us. Could you imagine what type of heart attack mom would've had, if she found out what he was doing before we left. She never did find out he was abusing us, mentally and physically..... no one ever did." I look down frowning, thinking about if maybe I said something we would've left sooner.

"Chloe never really knew us back then, she was our best friends, but she was oblivious to the stuff we were hiding from everyone. But for some reason I just know that she wouldn't have judge. Even at that young of age, she wouldn't have judge. Remember when you used to sing, all the time? You even sung to Chloe back then, she loved it." I feel a fond smile making it's way on my face, "she'd go crazy every time we sang, because it was very rare that we'd talk to her. But singing just came so naturally when it was just us, especially when she'd join in."

"I remember coming back from that nightmare, two less people in tow. The only thing in my mind was seeing Chloe, that's all I wanted. I just felt like my world would shift back in place once I did. But once I did see her, all I saw was flashbacks. Flashbacks of the past when I was Beckham, flashbacks of when I had my family.... and then I saw she was with Aubrey." Controlling my breathing and closing my eyes again, more like squeezing them as my whole body tensed.