Police officer's love story

Part 18

She took a deep breath and continued-She has to let it out today. 'Raj! I have tried to stay away from you initially but somehow, we had come close to each other, became friends and I...I liked it in spite of myself.

The way you cared for me, your friendship, I could not reject it. I thought that it was going to be okay; I deluded myself into believing that we are only good friends. But that day on the party, I have realised that your feelings towards me are something more than friendship and I asked you indirectly to never fall in love with me. I thought that I was encouraging you by being close to you. Before you invest more in this relation and get hurt later, I thought that I would avoid you, stay away from you and slowly you would be back to your life and forget me. I thought you would move on with your life and one day, have a normal chance at love, marriage, stay happy with your life partner. I have left to the conference and avoided your calls but yesterday, when....She took a pause...when you are in pain, I could not stop myself. I could not leave you like that alone in pain. Now, you can understand why I am avoiding you. Please, let us end everything. I trust you that you will keep this matter to yourself. May be, I am destined to be like this but I won't allow you to get hurt because of me.' She waited for his reaction but there was no reply from him.

'I will vacate the flat as soon as possible. We will never meet again. But, ... I... I wanted to say that'...her voice quivered...' the moments we had spent with each other, I will never forget them. I will be happy somewhere knowing that my friend has got his share of happiness, his love, his family. Thank you for these moments Raj" she could not stop herself from hugging him tightly one last time; this would be their last memory together. She memorised his feel and scent, the warmth of him for a moment. Before she could crumble down in front of him, she left him abruptly and ran back into her room not even bothering to look back once.

She went to her bed and fell on it crying, her head buried into the pillow—it was all over now, she had lost him completely, they can never be the same again, why should this happen with me? Tears were unstoppable. He would probably be disgusted with the thought of wasting so much time on her. After all, everyone have needs and desires which they want to fulfill with their partner. Today, he loves her, but it would turn into resentment soon after knowing the truth. Why to lead this forward, keeping him in the dark. They had no future together. She is not fit for love. He is the best person she had come across and she can't hurt him.

After a few agonising hours, her mind started thinking of the present problems. She could not stay here anymore. She has to leave soon; she had to start searching for a new accommodation. Soon, he would forget about her as if she was never there in his life in the first place. She had survived without others and she can do it now.

She wiped her tears and washed her face. She has to be strong. It was morning by now. The lack of sleep made her feel a little tired but she was used to it. She got ready for the hospital and left early. Her eyes went to his door and understood that he was still there inside. She left from there hurriedly fighting the urge to see him once before leaving.

***

When she came to home in the evening, she saw Meera waiting for her.'Hi! Neeta! My parents have gone to their relative's house. I thought of spending the night here with you.'

She let Meera inside and listened absentmindedly to Meera's chatter. She was preparing dinner for them and Meera went to balcony. However, she came back within five minutes excitedly running into the kitchen.

'I could not believe my eyes when I saw ACP Rajveer here, that too you are sharing connecting flats. On that day, you don't even know his name and today all these......She nudged her shoulder...What's going on between you two?'

Neeta shook her head-now Meera is not going to leave her. She shared the details briefly -how they had become friends and how he helped her by giving this flat. That's it-nothing more.

Meera winked. 'Neeta! You are so lucky –you are sharing your place with him, can see him daily, talk with him...if my marriage is not fixed, I would have shifted with you to have a chance with him,' her eyes were dreamy.

'Shut up Meera!' Neeta chided her.

'Relax baby! I was just joking. He is all yours. Neeta! Let us invite him for dinner.'-She was about to go when Neeta stopped her.

'No, Meera! Please. Leave it. He likes his privacy. Don't disturb him. Come.We will have dinner together.'-She pulled Meera with her ignoring her protests.

Whole night, Meera was talking about her fiancé and her marriage preparations.Neeta was happy for Meera but a corner of her heart ached to know that she can never enjoy this happiness. Meera left in the morning and Neeta too, left for her work. Whole day, she checked her phone but there were no calls or messages from him. Why would he call? She thought with a bitter smile-after knowing about her reality, no sane guy would come near her again. He must have understood the truth that she has nothing to offer to him but her heart still ached with the loss of their friendship.

She had done her duties mechanically and came back in the evening. He was not there and she went back to the common balcony. She thought that she can leave it before, he came home. She closed her eyes tiredly, the cool breeze was relaxing her and she slowly went into sleep sitting on the floor. She woke up with the sounds of thunder and the rain drops falling on her rapidly. She did not have the energy to move, even when she was getting drenched. The rain was somehow offering her comfort in her loneliness and pain. She just stayed there closing her eyes again, shivering slightly with the cool drops hitting rapidly on her skin. She was oblivious to the world and lost in her thoughts.

She did know for how much time she sat in the rain, when she felt a distant voice penetrating her haze. 'Neeta... Neeta!, the familiar voice was becoming clear and she felt someone shaking her shoulder. She opened her eyes and saw Raj's face bending above her, his eyes filled with worry. 'Neeta! Get up,' he was shaking her shoulder. He was also getting wet in the rain and his touch brought her, back to her senses. He pulled her up and took her inside to her flat. She was still staring at him unable to decide what to think or do.

'You are totally wet. Go and change,' he gently pushed her into her bedroom and closed the door from outside before leaving. She got changed and came outside to see that he had also changed his clothes and was waiting for her in the hall. He frowned looking at her wet hair and brought a towel to her. 'Neeta! Wipe your head'—when she did not make any move to do it, he placed the towel on her head and started wiping her hair. He was so gentle as if he was handling a porcelain doll and she let him do whatever he wanted without resisting. He finished drying her hair and went inside. She sat on the sofa, staring at the door, not knowing what to expect. He came back within five minutes and handed her a mug filled with hot chocolate. She sipped it silently with lowered eyes. When she had finished it, he took it from her hand and kept it on the table.

He sat beside her and turned her towards him. 'Neeta! Look at me.'

She did not lift her eyes afraid of what she would see—his eyes were always filled with care and love for her.She wanted them to remain like that in her memory...if she finds anger, resentment or even worse -sympathy or regret...She would not be able to bear it.

'Neeta! Please look at me once.' There was something deep in his voice which weakened her resolve and she lifted her eyes reluctantly to look at him. To her surprise, the feelings in his eyes did not change. It was the same way he looked at her always.

'Nothing has changed between us Neeta.'

She smiled bitterly. 'Nothing ! Everything has changed Raj. Can't you see it? The way you stayed away from me these two days--I have expected it and believe me I am glad that you have taken the right decision. I don't want to make it hard for you. I will vacate this place as soon as possible.'

'Do you really think that I will allow you to leave me and go?' She looked at him in shock.