A Hard Lesson to Learn

Chapter 18

Negan didn't sleep that night. Instead, he just sat in the corner on his cot staring at the picture in his hands. He missed the woman beside him in the picture. She was the only thing that kept him going after the world ended and they found each other. Negan felt tears start to form in his eyes while he continued to study the picture.

He lost track of time because it was morning before he knew it. He was pulled from his haze by the sound of his breakfast tray being slid under the door of the cell. He didn't bother to look. He knew it was Rick here to bask in his suffering.

Rick looked into the cell to find the man still holding the picture in his hands. His hair was disheveled and from the side of his face that Rick could see, he could see that Negan's eyes were red. No doubt that the man had been crying. Negan never took his eyes off the picture the whole time that Rick was standing there. "You need to eat," he said sternly looking at Negan between the bars.

His demand fell on deaf ears as Negan did not make a move for the plate that was brought to him. "Negan," he called loud enough to grab the man's attention.

Negan turned his head to look at him. The look in his eyes sent a chill down Rick's spine. The eyes were void of the fire that once was lit inside them. "You need to eat," Rick said again this time softer.

"No," Negan said lowly, the sound barely reaching Rick's ears.

Shaking his head and taking one last look at the man sitting in the dark corner of the cell. He turned and stomped up the stairs, slamming the door shut leaving the man alone once again.

For all the people that came to see him, watch him, or to give him food, Negan did not even bother to give them the time of day. All their voices running together as one over the next couple of days. Still, he refused to sleep. He refused to eat. He didn't deserve to live even it was locked in a cell under Grimes' house.

When he lost Lucille, his world shattered. He couldn't even put her down after she turned. There were people that he met before he ran into Kali on the street that day, but he never got to know them for too long before they were killed by walkers. Meeting Kali was like a breath of fresh air. She made him want to live again. She helped him survive and he helped her.

Now, she was gone. Lucille was gone. Kali was gone, and Negan didn't have a want to live anymore. He was ready for Rick to end his life already. He wasn't going to fight it.

It has been four days since Rick brought him the picture of Kali and himself. Which means that Negan was on his fifth night of no sleep, no food, and no will to live.

When Rick came back, he found Negan the same exact way that he had left him. Looking down, he noticed the plate untouched from where a guard had brought Negan his food earlier in the day. Rick knew what it was like to lose someone you loved. He lost Lori at the prison and he never got the chance to say goodbye to her either. It had been six months since he first delivered the news to Negan that Kali didn't make it. If he knew that bringing him that picture would send him into a downward spiral, Rick would have kept it tucked in his back pocket.

Rick unlocked the door and pushed it open. He squatted down and picked the old plate up and replaced it with a plate with Negan's dinner. Rick stood and took the plate outside the cell to the chair that he sits in to talk to the man sometimes. Walking back to the open cell he stood there looking at Negan. "Negan," he calls, but once again his calls were left unanswered.

"Negan," he says again to no avail. "Negan."

"Damnit, Grimes. Just leave me to suffer alone. You wanted me to hurt right? To knock me on my ass so I couldn't get up? Well, congratulations. You fucking won. Just leave me alone," Negan finally spoke breaking his prolonged silence.