Working for Mr. Shinoda

3

Chester's funeral.

We were busy getting ready for the funeral. Although I'm not ready for it at all. I'm not ready to say goodbye yet to the person who was everything to me. To the person, who meant so much to me. My soulmate, my best friend, my partner, the love of my life, the father of my two beautiful kids. How do you say goodbye to someone you don't want to say goodbye to? I'll never be able to touch this person ever again in my life. I'll never get to talk to this person ever in my life again. I won't be able to ever see this person again. How do you say goodbye to someone who went way too soon? I never wanted to say goodbye. It's too soon. I wanted this to last till we both were old and sitting on the porch watching our grandkids play in the back yard. Chester went too soon and too fast. 

The kids don't even know what exactly is happening. Tyler yes, he understands but Leila, she doesn't. She's only 2 years old. How do I tell her that she will never be able to see her dad again? How do I tell her she won't be able to play games with him again? This is so hard to deal with. I know I need to stay strong for them. But I'm having a really hard time to do that. Every second I get, I break down and cry. Sometimes it is in front of them. Other times I get it right to not break down in front of them. Most nights I just lay in bed and stare at the ceiling, cause my tears have dried up for a while. This is the hardest thing I ever had to deal with other than my mother's death. 

The kids and I get dressed and get ready to go. 

Tyler had on a black suit. Leila had on a black lace dress.

And I had on also a black dress with lace and black high heels sandals. 

After we all were ready we meet Cassandra and Lilly in the living room with Mike too. 

Mike greets me with a kiss on the cheek and I just slightly smiled at him. We left the house and make our way to the funeral. 

At the funeral, people came to us and give us all some sympathy looks and hugs, and also words. Not that it was helping from what I was feeling inside of me. 

Soon everyone was inside and Mike and I and the kids make our way to the front. The rest of the guys were sitting just behind us. And the picture of Chester they picked brought me to tears. I miss him so much. I miss his jokes and his goofiness. 

The ceremony went on and it was my turn to say a few words. I take a deep breath and I make my way to the front. I sighed a few times and tried to keep the tears away before I say anything. 

"Chester was the kind of person who always put everyone else's needs above his own. He would always smile and make people laugh even when he had the worst day. He was the kind of person who would cheer people up when they needed it. Even when he had a bad day. He was a kind person, he was caring, and he had so much love to give to everyone who crossed paths with him. Even if you were a complete stranger to him. His place will be empty and he will be missed. Not only by his friends and family. But by the people too that he has touched. Rest in peace, my love. The kids and I will miss you dearly. But we will keep your memory and good times with us alive. We will never forget what we had with you, with the little time we had with you. We will always keep you in our hearts and in our memories. For now, it is goodbye... Till we meet again."

The tears streams down my face as I walk back to my seat. Mike gets up and he goes to the front to say a few words himself.

"Well, I don't know what to say... Obviously, there is a lot I can say. But the words right now is very hard for me to find. I don't know why this had to happen. I lost a brother, a friend, a bandmate, a partner, I lost someone who always supports me in everything. I lost someone I used to share my whole life with. We were not only bandmates and friends. But we were family. Being in a band like Linkin Park, you become like a family. I'm going to miss all our times in the studio most of all. I can't explain exactly how much I'm hurting over this. I can't explain how I'm feeling right now. But I will miss my brother and my friend very much. And I definitely won't forget the guy who changed my life forever. Chester, I wish you peace, wherever you are now, I wish that all the pain and hurt you had faced are all gone now. I will keep you in my heart and in my memory and I will honor your name as much as I can. Rest in peace brother."

Mike wipes his tears away while he walks back to his seat. I look up to him and I take his hand in mine for comfort. He gives me a hint of a smile and then just shook his head.

Soon the ceremony was over and we all left to the grave to say our last goodbyes. 

And I remember the one song he and Mike wrote. 

You don't know what you've got until it's gone.

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