Baby, Don't Cry

Chapter 24

*Demi's POV*

I've been in bed for the past 36 hours. I don't think I'll ever move. My legs are stiff, my hair smells, and so do I. I haven't taken a shower in 4 days. It doesn't bother me, though.

I have 43 missed calls, and I don't intend on responding to any of them. I'm sure my team's angry. I can feel myself slipping back into my old ways, and I don't want that to happen. I can't let that happen.

I heard a faint knock on my door, "Please, don't come in. Just let me be." I spoke, softly.

But, clearly my requests were ignored, because my door swung open. I sat up and noticed that Nick was in front of me staring with guilt written all over his face.

"Demi," he began. "No, Nick. You don't get to 'Demi' me anymore. You left. You left instead of respecting my decisions and understanding me. I was in the hospital hurt, something could have been wrong with baby, and it was, Nick! I lost my baby, Nick!" I cried.

"Demi, I know you're upset but-" Nick started, "Damn right I'm upset! If you left me so easily like that, do you think I would expect you to stay for the baby? Please, just do me a favor and get out. We're over. I mean it." I sobbed, and wrapped myself into the sheets.

I heard the door slam closed. But, it reopened.

"Mom? I know you don't want to talk to anyone, but I want to talk-" Mariana shyly spoke.

I unwrapped myself and sat up before motioning for her to come and join me. I hugged her tightly and kept her next me. "You smell so good, and I smell so terrible." I whined and laughed, forcing a laugh out of Mariana.

"I'm glad I can hear you laugh again. Mom, I know you're going through some things right now, but you have to take care of yourself and let me help you take care of yourself." Mariana said. I couldn't help but have tears in my eyes. My own daughter is begging me to take care of myself, when I should be taking care of her.

"I am so sorry, baby. I'm going to take care of myself, and I'm going to take care of you. Everything is not on you. I promise. I love you." I said, hugging her tighter.

"Okay, I believe you. I love you too, but can you do me a favor? Take a shower." She said, making me laugh. I got up and grabbed some things for my shower, but decided to use Mariana's bathroom because she has both a bath tub and a stand up shower.

Mariana left downstairs, so I shut my room door and exited the room to enter Mariana's. After undressing and stepping into the shower, I noticed a shoe box underneath the sink. Why the hell does she have a shoe box underneath the sink? That's what she has a closet for. I picked up the shoe box and walked into the closet which is connected to the bathroom and threw the shoebox onto the floor.

But, instead of shoes falling out of the box, at least 23 pieces of shiny metal fell out.

Tears began falling down my face as I remembered how good the metal felt against my skin. It's so foreign now, but I'm ready to take a trip back to that long journey. I grabbed the pieces of metal and picked out the sharpest one before bring it closer to my skin.

I broke out in sobs as I moved the metal from near my skin. I have a daughter that I need to take care of that so desperately wants me to take care of myself. I can't do this. But, I want to. But, I can't.

I emptied the metal pieces into the toilet one by one and flushed each of them down into the toilet. I couldn't keep these around.

How terrible of a mom am I that my daughter has to keep these. They're even in plain sight. She didn't even bother hiding them, because of how oblivious I am.

Despite the circumstances, I wiped the tears streaming down my face and stared into my own puffy eyes before stepping into the scorching hot water. It was a relief, to be clean, and to be warm.

I'm strong. I didn't cave in. I'm stronger than I was before. I just need Mariana to grow with me.

After I finished showering, I threw on a robe and slippers before grabbing the empty shoe box and walking downstairs with it in my hands. I turned the corner and saw Mariana on the couch, sleeping.

I grabbed a glass of water and sat across from her, staring at the shoe box and then back at her.

It's almost as if she felt me staring at her because she woke up and stared blankly into my face, confused. She rubbed her eyes, and looked at the shoe box and then back at me, in shock.

"Baby girl. Why?" I asked as a tear escaped from my eyes.

"I didn't mean for you to-" She said calmly.

"You didn't mean for me to find them? You left them in plain sight. Have I really been that distant and oblivious lately? Baby-" I started, but she grabbed the shoe box from in front of me and opened it up, realizing that it was emptied.

"Where are they? Where did you put them?" She asked, clearly in distress.

"Let me see your arms." I told her, but instead she put them behind her back and shook her head 'no'. "I want to see your arms, baby girl. Show me."

I reached for her arms from behind her back, and she didn't resist.

I slowly pulled back her sleeves and revealed old cuts, and new ones which caused her to collapse into my arms, sobbing. "Baby girl, I'm going to help you. I promise. It's not about me anymore, it's about you. It's all about you. It's supposed to be all about you. You- you are my world and the reason that I have the courage to carry on. And without you, I don't know where I'd be. I need you to be with me. I need you here. I love you, baby girl." I cried out into her ear.

Mariana shook inside of my arms.

It's been a while since I've seen her eat. Her old habits are coming back to haunt her. And I haven't done anything about it. But, that ends now. That ends today, because my baby girl's health is above all.

It's time, Demetria.