Baby, Don't Cry

Chapter 31

"Mariana, you've been through a traumatic event. I don't expect you to open up to me just yet, I understand that you're scarred, but I need you to understand that what happened wasn't your fault. You found yourself in a toxic relationship that you were guilt tripped into staying in. You did what you could." The therapist said to me. Everything being said is going in one ear and right out of the other.

I began starving myself again, purging when I could, and cutting myself more. I don't want to live and it's no secret. The moment Tate killed himself repeats over and over again in my head to the point where I want to erase my memory. And the worst part is that it's my fault.

I grabbed the papers my therapist handed me and exited the room without saying goodbye. I don't even want to be here. Demi's making me. Even Nick agrees that I shouldn't have to go if I don't want to and the money being wasted could be used on the baby.

I exited the building and placed my headphones in my ears and opened the car door, and there sat Demi waiting for me with a worried face.

"Baby girl?" She asked softly. I rolled my eyes and turned my music up louder.

It was a loud car ride for me, but silent for Demi. I noticed that we were a block away from home and she parked the car.

"Listen, baby girl. You don't have to listen to me, but I'm going to talk anyway." I rolled my eyes and pretended to turn my music up when all I did was turn it off to hear what she had to say. "I'm sorry I haven't been there for you lately. I should have been and I wasn't. I'm sorry I didn't notice your old habits become new again. I've been a terrible mother and you've been through some things I never intended to happen. I know this isn't easy to forgive, but I wish you'd use the therapist and know that I'm here for you. I've failed. And I'm sorry. But, I want you to know that I love you and I always will." She said, sobbing by the end of it.

I love lies, because they push me further towards my breaking point.

I restarted my music and opened the car door and slammed it shut behind me. I began to run back to the house rather than driving back with Demi. I'm sick of being fed lies. I don't want this life and I know that they don't want me.

I reached the house safely and made it up to my room, only to see Nick sitting in the chair next to my bed. Even worse than my therapist.

"Hey kid." Nick said. I ignored him and took out my notebook to write.

"I know I haven't been the best person to you. I know I'm a terrible person, but seeing you so vulnerable the other night made my heart ache. I'm sorry, Mariana. I wish I could take back everything that has happened. But, neither of us can. We can only move forward, and I want to help you move forward. I know I haven't been the best father figure in the past, but I hope that towards the future I can strengthen our relationship and start over. I'm terribly sorry and I just want you to know that I truly am here for you." Nick said, as tears slipped from his eyes.

Touching. Especially coming from Nick. I wiped my eyes and walked over to Nick as he embraced me in a hug. A hug I much needed. I didn't think it'd come from Nick.

"Do you want to go for a drive?" Nick asked. I nodded. I needed something to take my mind off of things.

I sat in the passengers seat while Nick drove. I felt the car come to a stop near an abandoned park. He got out of the car and then opened my car door. I stepped out of the car and followed Nick to the back of the park and sat on the torn wooden bench that fell to the ground.

"I used to come here as a kid. It looked better than it does now, but it still holds those memories. Great view. Most of my secrets lie here too." Nick said as he looked over at me and placed his hand over mine.

*Extreme Trigger Warning*

I moved my hand from under Nick's because it made me slightly uncomfortable. I didn't want to be touched, especially since the last person I touched was Tate, but Nick placed his hand over mine again.

I hesitated to pull my hand away again, but a few seconds later, Nick held both of my hands firmly in place on my lap. I tried to escape from his grip, but it didn't work.

Before I knew it, I felt Nick's lips press against mine. I struggled to pull away.

"Stay. We're just getting started." Nick smirked.

I can't believe I trusted him. I used all of the strength in my body to push against Nick's strength but it didn't work.

Nick forced himself onto me, pinning me down as the wood pressed into my skin.

Nick placed his hand over my mouth to prevent any screams I might have had left in me, but truth is, I had none. I tried to fight, but eventually my body gave up. Nick held me down, took off his pants and mine and pounded away.

With each thrust, my body froze. I fell into a deep spell of numbness. Worse than before. Nick touched me, kissed me, and violated me all in one day.

Nick raped me, and he didn't stop after the first round.

Nick soon grew tired, and I had no fight left in me. Nick pulled himself together and placed my clothing identical to the way it was when I left the house. He carried me back to the car and buckled me into the car.

I continued to stare straight ahead as Nick began to drive again. Tears, freely falling down my face.

"Did you have fun?" Nick snickered before grabbing my head and forcefully turning it towards his face. "I did" he said, licking his lips, stained with my chap stick.

I began to cry even harder, "Don't cry, we just had a little fun that's all." He said.

"Now, when we get inside, you wipe your tears and you're going to tell Demi that we had fun together sight seeing, okay?" He said. "Okay?" He said, more aggressively, forcing me to nod my head in understanding.

Nick parked the car in the driveway, wiped my tears, and slapped my face. I made sure my eyes weren't red and I practiced my smiles for when Demi asks what we did.

I don't want this life anymore.

I hesitated to step out of the car. As I stepped one leg out of the car, I winced at the amount of pain Nick caused. I quickly suffered through the pain and began to walk as normal as possible.

I opened the door and saw Nick and Demi sitting on the couch as I walked towards the stairs.

"Did you have fun? Nick told me all about it!" Demi said smiling.

No, Demi. He didn't tell you all about it. I smiled and responded, "Yeah, I had a lot of fun.", before heading upstairs into my room. I closed the door shut behind me and walked over to my open notebook, with the pen in my hand.

I love you Demi. I always will.