The Shy Night

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When she woke up, he was already fresh and brushing his hair. She stared at him for a while until her parched throat made her try to grab the glass of water on the side table. The water running down her throat eased her. When he looked at her, he asked,
" Uth gayi ho? Ab tabiyat kesi hai?"

Hemayal nodded her head. She was much better but she felt a stinging pain beneath her bandage and her body felt tired.
" Jee theek hai."

A knock sounded on the door and he opened it to find their maid who he had called to tend to her wounds and help her get ready.

" Tum tyaar hojao, phir doctor k paas chaltay hain."

After showering, she felt better. Rubbing her hands together, she walked into the lounge where Yahya was sitting with Bibi. Bibi made her sit with them for a while and force her to have breakfast while she constantly said no.
" Aisay kesay dil nahi kar raha? Pehlay hi itni kamzor ho. Chalo khao yey jaldi."

Yahya was quiet through the whole ordeal, skimming through the newspaper as Bibi called him,
" Khan, jao bahu bahir ghuma kar lao. Jab sey shaadi hui hai aik baar bhi ley kar nahi gaye."

Yahya looked at Hemayal who immediately looked down at her hands in her lap, twisting her fingers.

" Ley jaun ga, Bibi. Pehlay doctor k paas tau ley jaun, kal sey beemar hai hey."

Bibi asked her about her health and then immediately asked them to go to the doctor. Standing up, Hemayal could feel the look in her eyes which was judging or rather, speculating.

                      //////////

The car ride to the doctor was silent as Hemayal stared out of the window and Yahya mulled over his thoughts before addressing her,
" Hemayal?"

She turned to him.
" Jee?"

" Hum dost bann kar reh saktay hain?"
Hemayal lost her voice at his abrupt question. Dost? They were a couple. They were married and were intimate. How could they stay as friends?
He understood her thoughts that's why explained.
"Mera matlab... zaroori hai k hum aik doosray ho nazar andaz karain? Ya aik doosray sey boht umeedain rakhain? Meri zindagi mey mazeed mohabbat ki gunjaish nahi hai lekin mey tumsey waada karta hun k tumhara aik wafadar dost bann kar dikhaun ga."

Hemayal's mind taunted her and the voice in her head smiled brokenly. Why not? She was the girl who accepted him knowing he was never going to be hers and now when he was giving her a part of himself, then she would be kafir if she didn't take it.

" Jesi aap ki marzi."

" Tumhari marzi hai?"
He asked. After all, he was doing it for her. And his guilty conscience.

" Jee."

                     /////////////

Fog enveloped the haveli, the bright morning now a greyish hue. The tall trees were barely visible. Hemayal loved sitting in the lawn in the cold, the smell of fog and wet mud. Rubbing her pink cold nose with her hand, she turned the page of her poetry book.

Her book was snatched out of her hands and she gasped. She was so engrossed in the words that she didn't notice Yahya coming home.

" Yey kya ho raha hai?"

He opened the book at the pagw she was at and sat down in a chair opposite her.

" Khan, wapis karain!"

He ignored her as his eyebrows raised at the type of poetry she was reading.
" Yey kya parhti rehti ho har waqt? Koi kaam ki cheez parha karo."

She snatched it back, throwing her hair back at her shoulders.
" Meri marzi jo marzi parhun."

" Barri ayi apni marzi karnay wali. Btaata hun tumhey mey."
He was teasing her again. Hemayal never knew Yahya was this friendly. She had always seen a blank serious expression on his face before. But he loved to tease her whenever he found her reading poetry, reading a digest or even watching a movie. It had been a month since they become friends and it was the best time of Hemayal's whole life. His days and nights were divided between her and Neha, but Hemayal had forced herself to be thankful for all she had.

" Pehlay bhi tum aisay hi kisi konay mey bethi rehti thi? Kabhi bhi nazar hi nahi ayi haveli mey."

He was talking about the time before their marrige and Hemayal shook her head at his ignorance. She had lived in the haveli for her whole life.
" Mjhey tau aap nazar aajatay thay."

He bit his lip, smiling as he bent towards her a little and raised his eyebrows.
" Chup chup kar dekha karti thi mjhey?"

Hemayal's face became red as she blushed.
" Jee nahi. Mey kyun dekhti kisi ko?"

Yahya stared laughing at the look on her face, the khaftgi and embarrassment in her eyes and how her pink lips had pouted as he face became red instantly.
" Yey jo tumhari chhoti si naak hai na, itni jaldi laal hojati hai."

He pinched her nose and she swatted his hand, making him laugh again.

                   //////////

That night she was laying in bed with him, both of them a little out of breath and tired. With droopy eyes, Hemayal watched him. He was laying on his back, staring at the ceiling, the sheets covering him up to his chest. Thin hair were visible where the sheet ended, his hair flopping to the side, messy because of her fingers. Her eyes stopped at the expression on his face and she felt herself recoil with guilt. Her heart became heavy with the pain she saw on his face. She knew it was difficult for him. Every other aspect of their life was good, they were sailing smoothly on the wild ocean of emotions but this, this aspect always threw her on the ground from the sky. She was unwanted, she did not deserve him like that even after she gave him everything she had. Every part of her soul was in his possession but she was unable to even capture his heart.

He was in pain because even though she was his wife too, he had someone else he loved. Talking to someone, making them a good friend and caring for them was one thing, but being intimate with a person when you feel like you are cheating on the other one is heart wrenching. Intimacy for him was sacred and he did not want to do it without his heart in it but he could not stop. He had not forgotten the reason for their marriage. She was young and she was beautiful, she deserved everything in the world but was getting broken little pieces in return of her whole self.

Yahya involuntarily looked at her when he felt her gaze on him and his heart hurt at the wetness of her eyes. He had unknowingly hurt her again, forgotten about how she would be feeling at his coldness.

" Idhr ao."

Sighing, he held her hand, pulling her body until she leaned against him and wrapping his arm around her as she melted into him.

                        /////////