The Pirate & The Princess [KaneTou]

15

The walk back was quiet as Kaneki thought of ways to scold her for ignoring his warning but he just wasn't able to put his anger away. When he couldn't find her in the town plaza, he was so afraid, terrified that something had happened to her. If it did, he wouldn't be able to forgive himself for life. Just like how he let Hide die.

Once they got into his cabin, he tossed the paper bag onto the floor, along with the many other items they had bought which he had asked his men to bring back, and spun around to meet her eyes. "I told you to stay away from the slums because it was dangerous. Why didn't you listen to me?! Now see what happened! You fucking got attacked!"

While she admitted she deserved a scolding, she didn't think he would be shouting at her. This was the first time she saw him so angry. Tears brimmed in her eyes again as she struggled to keep them in and her voice normal. "I wanted to buy food for those poor people. Is that wrong?!"

"What if I hadn't come for you? You would have been raped down there! Think about your safety for once!" He lowered his voice and stepped forward to cup her cheeks. 

On one hand, she was elated that he was finally touching her, but on the other hand, she was upset at the sight of his sorrowful grey eyes looking into her blue ones. "I was so scared that something happened to you and I don't know what I'll do if I lost you. Please don't do anything like that to scare me again."

The tears fell down her cheeks and onto his hands. He was angry because he was worried about her. She felt remorse for her actions and should have thought of his feelings. "I'm sorry."

He smiled, albeit a sad one, and kissed her on the forehead. "You must be tired. Go shower and then you can sleep for a bit."

She wanted to protest but with her body aching everywhere and feeling dirty, she resigned and headed to the joined bathroom in his room with a change of clothes.

—

Upon exiting, she saw Kaneki sitting on his bed and his gaze towards his hands. He was doing that again and she wondered why. Stepping towards him, his gaze snapped up to her, jaw dropping and eyes dilating. She wore a black robe, with a black lace lingerie dress on the inside. It was slightly translucent and he could see her the paleness of her skin through it. 

He forced his gaze to the wall. "I know I told you to buy nice underwear but I was just joking. You didn't have to actually go buy them."

"I just thought you'd like it. Do you like it?"

He remained silent. Touka took his hand and that warranted his attention as he watched her put it on her cheek. On instinct, he pulled away but she held it tightly in place. "Why are you so afraid of touching me?"

His eyes avoided hers. "It's nothing."

"I don't think it is. We're dating, Ken and ever since we reached this town, you've never held my hand or attempted to touch me. Why? Is the thought of touching me so disgusting to you?"

Flickering his desperate eyes to hers, she could tell that wasn't the case. "If it's not, then why?"

"You won't want to hear it. It's not for a lady's ears." He turned away.

"Is it because you have killed others before?"

He stiffened at her question and she knew it was the right one. 

"..that's right. I've killed many people before and I don't deserve to touch you with my filthy hands. I'll defile you. I should have never asked you to be mine. You deserve someone better than me, one whose hands haven't been used to murder or hurt people."

"But you never hurt me."

"In the future, I might. You never know."

"I know you wouldn't. These hands held me close when I was grieving over my brother, these hands nursed me back to good health, these hands saved me from the bad guys, and these hands give me so much love that I know no other man in this world would be able to give me." She brought his hand to her lips and kissed every knuckle. "I love your hands," She paused as she looked into his eyes. "And I love you."

His breath caught in his throat and he struggled to keep the tears from falling. "You don't understand. I've killed people, Touka. That fact will never change and it follows me all my life. The reason why I don't sleep at night is because I wake up with horrible nightmares and the people I've killed haunt me in my sleep. They blame me for their deaths and once I almost strangled one of my men to death because I was delirious and thought he wanted to hurt me. You're not safe around me."

"But you love me." She stated and he swallowed.

"I don't know how to love another person. My parents abandoned me when I was young and I have not experienced love from anyone else since then. I do not have the capacity or ability to love someone. To give my heart to someone. I don't want to be hurt anymore."

"I won't hurt you. I won't make you sad--"

"I killed the captain, Touka. Stabbed him with a knife to the heart when I turned 16. Threw him overboard and fed him to the sharks. Killed many others because he asked me to. Are you saying you still want a killer like me?" His eyes met hers and she nodded.

"No matter your past, the man I love is the current you, Kaneki Ken." She leaned forward to press his lips against his and she felt his tears stain her own cheeks. Letting go of his fears, his hands moved to grasp her waist, pulling her close.

Kaneki hesitantly pulled away and stared at her. "Do you really accept me as I am? I don't have much to offer and I'm not even a prince--"

A finger to his lips shushed him as she smiled at him. "I do."