SCARED ➼ krii7y

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴏɴᴇ

1 | YOUR FINGERS HAVE BETRAYED
YOUR HEAD

the small boy plays with the sleeve of his green sweatshirt as he stares at the tall man in front of him, who is wearing a ginormous smile. jaren knows that the smile is just being used so that he'll begin to talk, but today he just won't budge. his mother knows that he despises these sessions with every fiber of his being, yet she still takes him whenever he acts remotely disconnected from society.

the only thing that fills the white, claustrophobic room is the sound of jaren's warm breath. he hates being put into situations that don't benefit; it makes him all awkward and scared. jaren chews on the sweet mint gum he received from his mother and blows a bubble, which pops all too soon, revealing the stressed face of doctor craig.

"jaren, you can't just come into a therapy session and not talk. i'm supposed to be helping you, but i can't do that for you unless you explain what's really going on," craig says in a soft tone, and jaren blows another bubble in response. jaren loves craig and thinks he's an amazing person, but he can't stand having him as a therapist. he'd rather just have a friend at this point.

"craig, you won't be able to help me. i'm crazy and depressed," jaren quietly speaks, moving the sleeves of his sweatshirt over his milky skin. he doesn't want craig to know that his hands are furiously shaking, so he begins to tap his foot to draw attention away.

for the next few minutes, everything in the plain room seems smaller and more compressed to the milk boy. his heart fills with anxiety, urging him to run away from everyone and everything.

the door suddenly swings open.

"hey babe, i brought you your mocha from-" the tall man catches the eyes of the younger, smaller boy, "craig, you told me that you had no patients today."

an awkward silence falls over the room, and craig gets up from his chair. he kisses tyler's cheek and gives him the puppy eyes that he's gotten good at. tyler rolls his eyes and slowly gives in, handing craig his coffee.

jaren notices that this is his chance to escape and he quickly pushes his way out of the room. no one notices him leaving, and jaren is fine with that.

jaren is used to being invisible to everyone else around him.

💙

jaren hates therapy, but he can definitely say that school is the worst thing in the world. it's always the same routine for him; he either gets ignored or he gets bullied.

he has some friends at school, but almost has no classes with them. the only people he has class with are brock, brian, and scotty. he loves his friends, but brock and brian are always flirting with each other even when they don't realize it (jaren knows that they would make a damb good couple if one of them had the balls to say something).

after suffering through his calculus and science classes, he makes his way to art. art and english are actually the only two subjects that jaren likes. he sits down in his seat and waits for another person to show up.

twenty seconds later, two boys come running in to the classroom with another boy trailing behind them. jaren can hear them giggling about something one of the others said and he assumes that it's about him. no one likes him in this school.

he is able to clearly recognize the boy with the bright smile. the boy is his fellow canadian in the school and his name is evan fong. he has his arm wrapped tightly around the other man next to him. jaren thinks that his name is jonathan dennis, or something like that. jaren's still mad about the boys not dating and actually both being straight.

"hi, is this seat taken?" a voice questions, causing jaren to look up at the other boy. the boy's chestnut eyes shimmer with happiness, and jaren can't help the soft smile that finds his way onto his face.

"no, it's not taken," jaren awkwardly murmurs, pushing out the chair for the other boy with his foot.

"wow, pushing out my chair for me? what a gentleman," the boy gushes while dropping down into the seat, "my name is john if you were wondering."

jaren only smiles at the boy as the rest of the students and teachers come in. john seems nice so far, but he definitely does not want to get in trouble for not working.

the light poke of an object makes jaren look down at his arm. a piece of paper is currently on the floor and he can only assume that it is from the blonde boy next to him. he quickly opens the paper up to see a small note scribbled on the stark white sheet.

still wondering about that name, milk boy. evan told me that's what some of his other friends call you.

- john

jaren slightly glances at the boy and they both end up looking at each other. he lets out a small giggle, and turns back to his painting easel with a smile. jaren doesn't know what he's doing at this point.

he knows that becoming friends with john is dangerous. jaren is messed up in the head, struggling with depression, anxiety, and insomnia. he can't ruin this boy too.

maybe that's why jaren has no friends right now. he's too scared to let people see what's on the inside; he's too worried that people will judge or make fun of him. he's literally scared of everything at this point and cannot commit to anymore friendships.

yet, something about john's eyes draw him in. they gave a sort of warm, homey feel that everyone loves and eventually misses. they look like they've seen some terrible shit, but have grown from these situations. he's captivated by john's eyes.

the bell rings, causing jaren to jump. all loud noises make him jump, and he quickly rushes out. a hand suddenly grips onto his wrist and he makes eye contact with john.

"shit milk boy, you're fast," john breathes heavily, and jaren notices that evan and jonathan are staring at the interaction.

"jaren. my name is jaren," the boy whispers, freeing his hand from john's grasp.

why did he do that?

💙

i can't write but i've wanted to do a book like this for a while. sorry the chapter sucks :c

- adri

song: i hate you, i love you by gnash