29 | NOW HE'S GONE
at this point, john is running way too fast. he apologized to cameron before he left, excusing himself from the bedroom he had pulled him into. it was all because of the same thing: jaren. how could he pretend to love another when jaren was the only one made for him?
it hurt more than he was willing to admit. tears stream down his face as his legs begin to shake from all the sprinting. john really needs to learn how to get better because at this point, he was pretty much useless. at least he felt worthless.
why do people even love when it hurts so much? it's not like one day passes and you're magically over it. no, a real relationship pains you for years and years. john couldn't help but wonder if loving was even worth it at this point.
what about depression? why does it pick with a blind eye? a person could be completely happy and then have their live destroyed by depression. was breathing even worth it if you hate yourself every minute of the day?
john never liked the cliff as much as jaren did, even though he was the one who found it first. yet, he felt as if he was being drawn towards it at this very moment.
something in his head screams for him to jump and, without jaren, he can't fight it.
"john, you better stop!" jaren laughs, running away from the boy with the bowl of batter in his arms.
"never!" john battle cries, dumping the bowl of batter on jaren's head. jaren looks up, slipping on the batter. john catches him before he falls, grabbing him tightly.
"hey, i got you, princess."
memories of jaren appear in his head, making his tears heavier. he feels like he is already dying and the memories aren't exactly helping the situation. jaren was always so cute; john was definitely going to miss that. he looks down at the waves splashing against the rocks.
"god, you're so beautiful," john says, looking at his boyfriend as he stares out towards the ocean, "how could you want someone like me?"
jaren grabs his hand, "i don't just want you; i need you. you make me feel so great about myself and nothing could ever make me stop loving you."
"what if i did something bad and left? would you still love me then?" john asks, turning to see jaren's confused face. a comfortable silence washes over them.
"yea, i would."
john keeps telling himself to jump but something is holding him back. he wants to do it so badly but jaren makes him stay. thoughts of jaren and anthony rush into his mind. john crushes them in mere seconds.
"when we get older," john says, looking at the television screen, "i'm going to propose to you and make you the happiest man in the world."
"deal," jaren smiles, not knowing that john already had the engagement ring in his pocket. john was already ready to propose in a week.
"shit," john whispers to himself, looking at the edge of the cliff. he tries to calm himself down. he tries to push all the bad thoughts away. he hears a voice calling for him and looks down at all the jagged rocks and crashing waves again. it wasn't a far jump but he surely would die from impacting the water.
he takes a deep breath, whispering something along the lines of 'i'm so sorry, jaren' and jumps off the cliff.
"i'll push you, flower boy," john whispers, grabbing jaren and pushing him up on the swing. after a while, he stops jaren and pulls him close, mumbling under his breath.
"i'll always be there to push you."
💀
"hello? your friend, anthony, has requested to see you before they put him in jail," monika, the receptionist, says to jaren, making the boy smile. apparently he was getting arrested for drug usage but jaren didn't care. he would never have to see anthony again.
the receptionist buzzes him in, causing him to take a seat at one of the stools laying around. anthony pops up on the other side of the window, causing them to both pick up the phones at the booths.
"what do you want, anthony?" jaren spits out, gripping onto the phone tightly. anthony just smirks, leaning closer to the glass that is blocking them away from each other.
"i suggest you don't be rude to me, jaren. i have some information that you might want to listen to," anthony laughs, remembering the night before with such a happy smile. he looks at his lap, blood dripping down from his fingers. he squeezes out the blood, letting it drip down onto his lap.
"shut up, you have no information that would concern me," jaren mumbles, looking at anthony with an angry glare. anthony smiles, really wanting to lean over and kiss the boy with all his power. he really wants to take the boy right here and now.
"you're so cute when you try to deny the truth," anthony says, giggling at the other boy's attitude. jaren growls at him, making anthony back away from the glass.
"shut the fuck up, anthony! just tell me," jaren yells into the phone, causing anthony's smirk to reappear. anthony leans back on the chair, getting comfortable.
"john's gone. he killed himself last night after the party," anthony says, watching the shock on jaren's face quickly turn into sadness and tears.
"n-no, you're l-lying," jaren stutters out, trying to keep in his tears. he can't be telling the truth; players like john don't kill themselves.
"go to your special cliff. i watched him do it last night," anthony chuckles, grabbing the phone tightly.
"no!" jaren yells, tears streaming down his face.
anthony lets out a sinister laugh, seeing jaren's heartbroken eyes and face. he leans down into the phone, whispering one last thing.
"are you scared of me now, jaren?"
💀
song: all i want by kodaline
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Fanfiction"YOU AND I WERE MADE OF GLASS, WE WERE NEVER GOING TO LAST" both of them held onto each other for as long as they could. they knew this relationship was going to fail in the end but, for now, the only thing they could do was hope that the other woul...
