20 | THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU COMMIT SUICIDE
his nervous hands shake as he walks into school. he has to pick up his books from his locker because he forgot to do it before graduation. the only reason he is here is because of stupid john.
he doesn't even need anything from his locker but the school insisted. they want him to keep and cherish his memories. they don't even know that the boy burned the rest of his memories yesterday afternoon.
he gets to his locker, softly picking off all the pictures of john and him. he feels a presence next to him, making him quickly turn around.
"jaren?" brock asks, looking at him with tears in his eyes. the boy carefully walks over, grabbing jaren's face, "jaren, is it really you?"
he really did miss brock. he was the boy who would always act like his mom and protect him from anything. after jaren's mom died, it meant the world to him that he could at least have someone acted like a mom. jaren cut him off the day john and him broke up. yet, that was never really fair for brock.
"yea, it's me," jaren smiles, wiping at brock's tears, "the yeet god has descended and is here to make you happy."
brock lets out a happy giggle, remembering his friend's craziness. he's glad that jaren is happy enough to be talking to him at this point. how long had it been since they spoke? it had to be a month by now.
"what are you doing here anyways?" jaren asks, breaking the silence. brock turns around, seeing brian with an annoyed look on his face.
"brock, the janitor said we only have ten minutes left. you need to hur-" brian says, looking up from his phone and seeing jaren, "milk boy!"
brian shouts, running up to the boy and tackling him in a hug. a warm sense comes over jaren, making him smile. he also missed brian a lot.
"hey jaren," brock awkwardly says when the two boys pull away from the hug, "i'm still really sorry for what happened at lunch that day. i didn't mean for it to go that far and i probably should have brought it up in private."
"yea, it's-" jaren screams, feeling two arms wrap around his waist and pull him back. he hears brock's yells and tries to pull away.
"please, i just need two minutes with you," the voice begs and jaren stops fighting back. they don't sound like they're going to kill him. the boy rips off his hood and stares jaren in the eye.
"scotty?" jaren asks, looking at the boy he hasn't talked to it a year, "what do you need?"
"anthony asked me to get information on you. he's looking for you, jaren," scotty says, handing him over the data he collected, "he said he would tell marcel that i'm cheating on him if i didn't collect this."
"why the hell would you cheat on marcel?" jaren asks, staring at the paper.
"i'm not but marcel's known anthony since he was a kid. he'll believe anything that the evil genius says," scotty grits his teeth, looking back at jaren, "don't tell anthony i told you, he'll kill me. i'm sorry."
scotty walks out of the room, leaving jaren alone. he feels like he can't breath, and it doesn't help that john is now standing in front of him.
"flower boy, you okay?" john asks, grabbing the boy's arm. jaren stares up, trying to push away from the other boy. he wants to go back to brock and brian.
"leave me alone, please!" jaren yells, making john split into a million pieces. jaren looks up, realizing that the boy was never there in the first place. jaren missed him so much that he made him up in his mind.
someone needs to tell john that he's sorry.
🔫
the gun wobbles in his hand as he stands under the tree in his favorite park. flashbacks of his mother flash in his head and tears stream down his face. he looks at the trigger, staring at the gun with such fascination.
"you can do this, jaren. just put it against your head," jaren says to himself, memories of anthony and john flooding his mind.
some of the memories are good, but most of them are bad. it hurts to think about the boys after everything that has happened. anthony was abusive to his body; john was just hurting his heart.
"jaren, don't do this!" a boy shouts, making jaren turn around. he notices the canadian staring at him with hurt in his eyes.
"why shouldn't i evan?" jaren mumbles, tears continuing to run down his face, "i have nothing left to live for at this point. i'm useless."
the coldness of the night air hits against jaren's face, making him grimace. he doesn't want to listen to evan about this; he can't listen to anyone about this. chestnut eyes meet his own eyes.
"jaren, you have everything to live for," evan says, gripping onto the tree bark, "at least, compared to me, you have everything."
"no i don't. you have a boyfriend to live for, you have a family to live for, and you have a college to live for," jaren says, "john broke up with me, my father was abusive and my mother is dead."
"fuck no i don't! at least you actually knew who the hell your parents were!" evan shouts, making the gun tremble in jaren's hand, "at least your boyfriend actually cared enough to take all your pain away. at least you have an opportunity to leave when i don't!"
tears fill evan's eyes, causing jaren to shut his mouth.
"so fuck you jaren! don't you dare kill yourself when some people have it way worse than you and are still fighting to survive!" evan screams; jaren backs up.
"evan, you're definitely stronger than me. i'm sorry," jaren whispers, putting his finger on the trigger.
"WAIT!" another boy screams and jaren easily recognizes the voice.
BANG.
🔫
song: scared by russ
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SCARED ➼ krii7y
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