24 | THESE GROWING PAINS ARE KEEPING ME UP AT NIGHT
jaren stares at the ground, playing with his fingers. he never told craig or tyler about any of the stuff that was going on. they are probably going to kill him for acting so stupid.
"let me get this straight. you tried to kill yourself?" craig asks, looking back at tyler for some support, "now you and john are back together and you live with him?"
"yes, is that all you want?" jaren mumbles, standing up from his chair only to be pushed back down by tyler. it isn't a hard push but it's still annoying.
"jaren, i'm your friend but i'm also your therapist! you can't hide everything from me and prevent me from doing my job," craig shouts, balling up his fists and digging his fingers into his palm.
"are we even friends?! the only questions you ever ask me all follow under the same fucking therapist trends. all is hear from you is 'are you okay' or 'tell me how you're feeling' and i'm sick of it!" jaren yells, standing up from the chair again and getting close to the boy's face.
jaren's face is red like a tomato. he hates fighting with people but he is not going to let craig guilt trip him. tyler stands to the side, slowly making his way into the center of the two boys.
"are you two done acting childish?" tyler questions, glancing between both boys, "this is a really stupid argument and i just want to play video games with my boyfriend."
"fine," jaren says, picking up his stuff and heading for the door, "i'll just leave then."
a hand is placed on jaren's arm as he opens the door, "i hope you know that craig didn't mean anything he said."
"now why do i have a hard time believing that?"
👽
john sits in the white room, looking at the man in front of him. the room is silent yet john can still hear his thoughts screaming at him. the other man looks up at john, giving him a light smile.
"have you ever felt suicidal?" the man asks, staring into john's eyes. john plays with the rings on his fingers, trying to decipher which one he likes best.
"i don't know," john bluntly says, hearing the therapist sigh. john knows that toby is trying to help but it really isn't helping.
"john, it's a simple question," toby says, rubbing his temple to signify that he's stressed because of john, "have you ever wanted to kill yourself or cause harm to your mental and physical states?"
"sometimes, especially when he isn't around me," john blurts out, referring to jaren. he wraps his arms around his knees protectively and brings them close to his stomach.
"john, you have depression," toby states, looking at the answers to the rest of the questions, "i'll mail you the anti depressants tomorrow."
"no, no, no. you're lying! i'm completely fine; nothing is wrong with me," john yells, being pulled back by other therapists.
they take him to his car, ignoring all the screams from him. tyler soon comes out, signaling for the workers to let him go and saying that he has permission from craig. the other therapists soon leave and tyler looks toward john.
"come on, let's get you back home to jaren."
👽
jaren thought that he was the one who had a shit day until he saw john.
the boy came home with no emotions, spending nearly an hour just staring at a wall while tyler and jaren talked about what happened. now that tyler's gone, john comes over to jaren.
"fuck this, he's totally lying. i used to be a player; i'm supposed to be fine," john yells, staring at jaren with such a broken smile. to be honest, john was definitely scaring jaren right now.
"john, it can't be that bad. i have depression too and i'm happy with you right now," jaren whispers, grabbing onto his boyfriend's hands and resting his head against the boy's chest.
"jaren, it was utter crap! i'm not believing something a twenty two year old therapist tells me is true. god, i feel so different! i feel like i'm literally an alien to society!" john bitterly laughs, pulling away from his boyfriend and walking over to the kitchen sink.
"john, please calm down. it's not a big deal; we can work through all these setbacks together. don't be scared of this. let me help you," jaren grabs his face, lightly pecking his lips. jaren begs john to not give up on them with his eyes.
"i'm just so sick of being lied to!" john cries out, falling to the ground, "that's the whole reason i became a player!"
"what?" jaren asks.
he sits on the floor next to john, wrapping his arms around the boy as he wipes at his tears. jaren plays with john's rings, twisting and turning them as john speaks.
"she said she loved me but she never did. so since i couldn't have her, i got with other people to cope with that fact. i was just so broken over it," john admits, laying down on the ground, "i didn't stop loving her until my first day of art. i didn't stop loving her until i met you."
"john-" jaren starts, not knowing what to say to the boy. he wants to comfort him; he wants to protect the boy from everything in the world that could hurt him.
"i love you so much," john cries out, "i love you so much that i am scared of what will happen when you decide that you have had enough of me."
jaren leans down, placing his lips on john. he can feel the boy's smile through the kiss and laughs when two arms snake around his waist. jaren sits up, smiling down at the boy with a soft look.
"i hate to break it to you but i'm not going to be leaving you anytime soon."
👽
hey everyone! i hope you enjoyed this chapter. i'm going to be trying to finish prewriting the rest of the book by tonight so wish me luck.
song: skinny love by birdie
YOU ARE READING
SCARED ➼ krii7y
Fanfiction"YOU AND I WERE MADE OF GLASS, WE WERE NEVER GOING TO LAST" both of them held onto each other for as long as they could. they knew this relationship was going to fail in the end but, for now, the only thing they could do was hope that the other woul...
