A Dreamers Dream

Kiss and make up. Sunrise, Florida. USA.

Harry's perspective.

I walk off stage in Sunrise, Florida with adrenaline coursing through my veins, there is nothing like the thrill of performing, nothing that I've discovered even comes close. It's like the best sex you've ever had. The most intense ninety-minute long orgasm that rattles every bone in your body and sets your teeth on edge, and then just as suddenly it's over. You walk off the stage, away from the crowd and the silence is deafening. However, the after-effects still linger, the ringing in your ears, the buzzing of electricity reverberating over your skin. It's the most intense feeling, and honestly, I hope its something that I get to experience for many years to come.

Tonight though, everything feels even more magnified than usual. I got a cryptic text from Maddie earlier, just as I was about to go on, telling me that she'll be waiting in my suite after the show and that she has a surprise planned for me. It's all I've been able to think about all damn night. Which is saying something as it was a pretty eventful show. During Oh Anna, I nearly fell flat on my arse. I've been SO fucking proud of the fact that I've not full-on face-planted on this tour yet. There are already more than enough videos of me falling over on YouTube, and I really would rather not add any more to the collection. As amusing as the fans seem to find them. I was minding my own business, singing away, I'm so glad we decided to put this track into the set, it seems to go down really well with the fans, and it's just such a fun song to play, the melody just makes me want to dance, which is how I nearly fell, I was prating about dancing my way over towards Sarah during an instrumental break in the track and managed to trip on one of the many wires on stage, it's not like I don't know that they are there, they're in the same damn place every night, but I guess I wasn't exactly fully paying attention tonight, my mind already back in my suite with my girl.

Earlier in the evening, I had what is probably going to go down in history as one of my favourite moments on stage ever. I asked a guy in the crowd what he was drinking as he seemed remarkably sloshed fairly early on in the show and kept catching my attention, he replied in a loud, clear American accent "Vodka!" Out of curiosity, I asked "Straight?" and the guy, bless him, shouted back at the top of his lungs "NO GAY!" fucking hilarious! I had to point out that I wasn't asking if HE was straight, but just if the vodka was. It's nice to see that my fans are happy to be open with me though and are doing exactly what I've asked of them a thousand times since I first started touring solo, being exactly who they want to be whilst they are at my show. No doubt I'll remember that exchange for years and be telling to my grandchildren when I'm old and grey no matter how many times they ask me to stop and remind me I've already regaled them with this tale a thousand times. Hopefully by then though, being gay won't be thought of as anything out of the ordinary, and the need to proclaim your sexuality loud and proud at a concert will be a thing of the past as no one will mind who anyone else loves.

When I get back to the hotel, I am almost buzzing with anticipation of what might be awaiting me when I get back up to my suite and find myself almost jogging to the elevators with excitement. Earning myself a few odd looks from the staff and a knowing wink from Stuart who I pass in the lobby, who was no doubt the one who let Maddie into my room.

Not that I mind at all or that I don't completely understand, but since the incident in Brazil with Novak, Maddie has been struggling with intimacy.

We've spent plenty of time kissing and cuddling, and even going a bit further than that, but she hasn't been ready for anything more and whilst I totally get it... I can't help but hope that maybe, just maybe, tonight she is ready to move forward. I miss the feeling of being inside her, of being completely and utterly consumed by her as we rock together in perfect harmony. Of course, I'll wait for as long as she needs, I would never push her to move faster than she feels comfortable, but still, that little voice inside of me is hoping that tonight might be the night that she lets me back in.