Humesha | ✔️

Epilogue | Love, Manik

*unedited*

M A N I K

If I have to go about listing all the reasons why life is considered unfair, then one Epilogue will never be enough. I'm not here to tell you why my life had a tragic end, or why I won't have a happily ever after.

I'm here to ask you a few things. And to tell you some others.

But for first, let's look at the bigger picture of my life, the one I see from where I am. Let's start from the end this time.

I remember telling Nandini some day that I didn't believe in endings. I don't know if you recollect that day, but I do.

It was the night before I said goodbye to her, and to everyone else of that world.

I remember holding on to her that night, telling her something did not feel right. I remember staying up all night and looking at her face that was pale because of all the food she had vomited out some hours back, and yet shining in the dim light of the stars above our head.

But in between these two things, I remember telling her I was tired. I remember telling her how I didn't want to fight anymore, I wanted to be in a place far away from this world where I can love her endlessly without any boundaries; and she  had promised me in return that some day, I will find such a place.

And this is to let you know that I did find such a place. This place, it's beautiful. Sun is shining overhead at all times here, and there are purple flower meadows that I can keep running into, without the fear of looking behind. The smile never leaves my face as I look at her from above, and I look at the little angel forming inside her.

I was wrong. Death isn't as bad as humans terminate it to be. Death is rather beautiful, death gave me freedom, it took every pain in me away, everything that the world burdened on me. Death got me to this place people call heaven.

It took away all the emotions from me, leaving just love inside my heart, love for the whole world— but mostly, love for my princess.

I look at her everyday. I am there with her all the time. I sit beside her, listening to how she walks into the graves, talking to me for hours; I see how she walk into the beaches and closes her eyes, letting the air kiss her face as if that were me, I sleep beside her as she hugs my white shirt to sleep every night trying to find the hidden pieces of me that I left behind in my clothes, in my house, in my everything. But what she doesn't know is, the biggest piece of me that I left behind in this world is her.

I succumbed to my injuries early that day, the poison that the gun shot inside me was spreading at an increasing rate but I wanted to live for her. I wanted to fight the pain away but I was too tired to fight anymore.

I wanted to let go. And so I did.

I might be selfish for leaving her alone in the world, I felt terrible for days after coming here watching her trying to be strong, trying to make herself happy for the little angel inside her, and how the world kept plunging the past back at her face broke my already broken heart.

But I'm proud of her. I'm so proud of how she managed herself for our child, of how she put on the braver side of her for everyone. But, just so that you know, I can see the scars she's hiding behind her smile as well. I can see her tears and her pain but I can also see how hard she's trying and I love her for that.

We all make choices. But most of the choices people make out based on their beliefs. Believing is good. One must believe in love, in kindness, in grace and in God. But people believe in fairytales. Why? Because fairytales are perfect. And I don't blame you for that. In between pages of a book is a lovely place to be. Everything is happy in there and we get to forget the real world for a while and escape into a world of imagination. No one wants to belong to the real world because it is harder.