The NEW Dragon Queen (Acnologia x Reader) (DISCONTINUED)

Starting to have suicidal thoughts...

I know I promised a new chapter. But I've just been so sad and heartbroken.
About the guy (or known as Bob for now) he just keeps ignoring me and it hurts. I talked to my guy friend about Bob, and he keeps saying I'm starting to be obssessed or am already obssessed with Bob. I promise you, I'm not. I just want to at least tell him what I'm going through. To let Bob know that I didn't do those things to hurt his feelings.
Now, I've been having suicidal thoughts. I can't say it any better than that because it's not good. My suicidal thoughts are extremely bad, but I've just been so depressed lately. My life was going great, but then my grandma died and my dad is extremely sensitive now. Bob keeps ignoring me like I mean nothing in this world.
I just feel so useless and stupid. And my family members aren't helping. My mom and dad sometimes fat shame me, when really I'm not as fat as they keep describing me. Obviously, they probably do it as a joke, but im very self conscious of how I look and how fat I am.
Also, my mom and dad just keep acting like I'm the stupidest person in the word. And my sisters aren't helping because my oldest sister keeps saying that I'm stupid and dumb and don't try in school.
I try, I really do. It's just, I don't get that many things. I'm not that stupid either. I got all A's in the first quarter of school. And I rarely get lower than a B. It's just, my sisters just have an expectation for me.
My parents keeps saying I'm stupid and that I should be as smart as my sisters. My other older sister was no.1 for freshmen year. And my oldest sister that called me dumb and stupid got into pharmacy school. Which by the way, pharmacy school is hard to get into.
Now, my whole family see me practically as a disgrace to the family. My oldest sister keeps saying to me, "is she even related to us? We should take a DNA test." Which we are obviously not going to do.
I jus feel so worthless. I'm so damn useless to everyone. At school, I felt happy because I'm a tutor, so I felt helpful. But just since Bob broke up with me (not really since he still hasn't talk to me) I'm just feeling so worthless. And my grades are slightly dropping now.
I haven't cut myself or done any harm to me, because I'm actually afraid of pain and blood. But sometimes, I would just think of me jumping off a building or getting run over by a car. I would rather just get straight to the point instead of doing little things (that are not really little) like cutting myself.
I'm so damn useless, and honestly, if I died, I bet nobody would care. Maybe my friends, but I always just feel so left out sometimes. Like they are just hanging out with me to be nice (which they are hopefully truly friends with me).
I am really dumb and useless aren't I? I can't even talk to Bob, let alone even look at him without getting scared to talk to him.
I'm so stupid and useless, and I just feel like I'm worth nothing now.
Again, I'm sorry for not updating, but I've just been feeling so depressed lately. I am truly sorry...