A One Shot Book of Unfortunate Events

What We All Know is Happening (2/13)

*Normal POV*

"Today's the day the kids go to Monty's house!" Beatrice squealed, bounding into the room.

~*~
*Mr. Poe's car on Lousy Lane, passing the horseradish factory*
"Violet never liked horseradish; did she?" Bertrand asked.
"It's okay thought. I think she'll come around to it."
" What if they get poi-"
"DON'T EVEN BRING THAT UP!"

* "Ridicule means tease, by the way." - Mr. Poe*
"They all know what ridicule means, Arthur! You think we never had a dictionary in our library?" Bertrand spat.

*Monty greets the children*
"You see, Klaus," Beatrice said, "I told you I had other options!"
" All because I forgot to take out the trash... Once? "
"Uh yeah!"
"And that's why we started making Violet and Klaus take out the trash. " Bertrand sighed.
"And then Violet forgot too!" Beatrice retorted.

*Monty pulls a fucking carrot out of his pocket*
"Honestly same." Bertrand said, pulling a slice of watermelon out of his sock.
"What- Why-"
"Because I wanted to, Beatrice. Because I wanted to."

*Violet, Klaus and Sunny meet the Incredibly Deadly Viper*
"Pull out the snake! Pull out the snake! Sunny's gonna love Inkie to bits!" Beatrice squealed, jumping up and down in her chair.

* "It seems we've finally found a soft food you like after all." - Monty*
"Make note of that if we ever get to haunt the living world," Beatrice said, shoving a paper and pen into Bertrand's hands.

*Stephano comes*
"NOT THIS MOTHERFUCKER AGAIN!" Beatrice yelled, throwing her hands in the air.

*Stephano being bullshit in general*
"OH COME ON! MONTY, YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO SEE THROUGH THIS DISGUISE! I MEAN LIKE IT WAS LITERALLY PART OF THE VARIOUS FAKERY DISGUISES!" Bertrand complained.

*Stephano eats all the damn potstickers like what kind of horrible person does that? That is so fucking evil and if I was anyone at that table, I'd have tackled him to the ground and clawed out his eyes like holy shit you can't do that and expect no repercussions*
"WHAT THE FUCK!? YOU DON'T DO THAT AND YOU DEFINITELY DON'T DO THAT TO MY DAUGHTER!" Bertrand yelled.

*Monty fuccin tells him off like "boo, get away"*
"Oooh you go off on his ass yas Monty!" Beatrice cheered.

*Monty gets murdered*
"NOOOO! WHYYYY?!?! WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN ME!?!?"
" It... It was you. "
"Shut the fuck up it was you too."
" Baudelaires! " A familiar voice calls out to them. Beatrice and Bertrand whip around.
"Monty!" They squeal, wrapping him into a hug.
"I died... Nobody's there to protect the bambini..."
" We know... Thank you for trying... "

I decided not to continue this series or even finish this one... Sorry y'all. I'll have a cute one shot up soon though.