Eight Boys and a Walker girl

13 | I don't cry

13 | I don't cry

I freeze up, unable to move. My lungs seem to be closing in on me. I can't breathe.

"Evvie?" Julian is stood a few feet away from me, positioned at the edge of the cliff, ready to jump again. Rainwater streams down his bare chest and his hair is darkened with the water. I'm suddenly aware that I'm cold, really cold. Too cold, even for this weather. I'm freezing. I'm  shivering. My heart is thudding inside my chest.

"Evvie?"

Realising something is wrong, Julian hurries to me side, taking hold of both my hands and peering down at my face in concern. "Evvie, are you okay? What's up? We don't have to jump again- we can go home if you life-"

"She's going to jump."

My voice comes out eerily high and light. I clear my throat again, and point weakly towards the figure of Elena, sat on the edge of the cliff. "She's going to jump, Julian. And not like us. She's going to- she's-"

My voice begins to tremble. I know why Elena wants to do this. I know why she wants to jump. It's all my fault.

The screech of car-tires...the brakes squealing, too late, too late...that scream- that horrific scream and all the blood, so much blood, too much to be coming out of just one body...

"Evvie, stop!"

I'm having a panic attack again. I'm beginning to hate myself for my anxiety. If I'm going to keep freaking out at moments like these for the rest of my life, I really don't know how I'm going to cope. Julian grips my hands tightly, staring urgently into my eyes. "Evvie, calm down. No one's going to hurt you. The girl is going to be fine."

He lets go of my hands and begins to approach her, quietly so not to startle her and cause her to fall. I really love him at that moment for not asking questions, like if I know her, or freaking out like I am. I try to force myself to calm down. Julian can do it, so I can. If only I could fricking breathe.

Eventually- maybe because the cold just shocks me into awareness, or the rain- my heart rate returns to something approaching normal, and my arms stop shaking like jelly, and I walk towards Elena a few steps behind Julian, my heart thumping hard in my chest. We have to make it to her before she-

A twig snaps beneath my feet. I freeze. As does Julian. Elena stiffens. She turns towards the both of us with wide, frightened eyes. And they aren't just frightened. They're accusing. Her green eyes meet mine, and I flinch and look away. I hate myself for it. But I do.

Then she scrambles to her feet and disappears into the trees behind us; the forest surrounding the McCartney hideaway.

She's vanished. But she's alive. Elena is alive.

Julian pulls me into his arms, holding me to his bare, rain-dampened chest, stroking a hand through my hair, whispering soothing things in my ear. I shiver against him, something pricking at my eyes that would be tears if I wasn't too stunned to cry. I huddle against him, absorbing his warmth, squeezing my eyes tightly shut, desperately trying to block the sound of screaming sirens from my ears.

I have no idea how long we stay that way, him holding me in the rain.

It seems like hours, but it must only be minutes.

Eventually, Julian prises me gently off of him and cups my face in his hands, forcing me to look up into his green eyes.

"You wanna go home?"

All I can do is nod.

In his car, I huddle in the back-seat, a blanket Julian dug up from somewhere wrapped around me. As I watch the buildings pass by in a blur outside my window, I try to imagine what Julian must be thinking right now- he must have questions, most of all about who Elena is, and why I freaked out like I did. I know he deserves answers, especially about who Elena is. I want to give him the answers- only-