Eyes on You

Pippa

My alarm clock went off at 7 a.m. like it did most days. I tapped the snooze button in case I didn't sit up and fell back asleep again. I rolled onto my back, looking up at the ceiling. To my right was my husband, Lin, still fast asleep. At other times, I may have scooted up close to him and snuggled with him until my alarm went off again. Lately, though, I'd been feeling less connected to him. I still loved him dearly, but I'd been getting frustrated lately. Before the girls had come to live with him from Puerto Rico I'd had eyes for him. Somehow I'd always pictured myself with him eventually. With a family. Two years after marriage, though, we were stagnant. Isabel was still a major challenge and we were no closer to getting pregnant. I was tired of waiting.

I pushed myself up and stretched my arms over my head, then walked to the bathroom. I started the shower so it would be warm by the time I finished on the toilet. As I stepped under the warm stream of water, I let out a sigh of content. The morning quiet was great. Before the hustle of the day and before the inevitable arguments with Isabel. Before the tension with Lin.

I spent a long time in the shower and heard Lin come in to brush his teeth. I turned off the water and reached for the towel. I dried off in the shower, then wrapped the towel under my armpits. Lin was rinsing his mouth as I stepped out.

"Morning," he mumbled, drying his mouth.

"Morning," I answered back as I found my comb and began to work out the tangles. During the good times, Lin may have worked his way behind me, pushed up my towel over my hips, and had a quickie. Now, there was a sadness between us. He wasn't giving me what I wanted. He wanted to, but because of Isabel we couldn't. Our lives were about Isabel.

I was most concerned about Luna. She was a sweet, happy kid. Occasionally she got into some mischief, but for the most part she was a complete angel. I worried she didn't get enough attention from Lin and me so I tried to make a point of having some one-on-one time with her. She'd been through a lot for an eight year old. She'd lost her mother, been torn away from her absentee father after a major hurricane, and sent to live in basically a foreign country. Now she had a very challenging older sister. I'd always been warned that middle children could feel looked over. Both Isabel and Ellie both needed a lot of attention. Luna was very responsible and we could easily overlook her needs because she never complained. I was determined not to let that happen.

After tucking my wet hair up into a hair clip and putting on some clothes, I walked down the hallway to Luna's room. I pushed the door open and saw she was already awake, just lazing around in bed for a few minutes. I smiled as I walked across the room and sat on her bed.

"Morning, sweetheart," I greeted her, and she smiled back at me.

"Hi, Pippa," she said, her voice croaky.

"Did you have a good sleep?" I asked her, gently rubbing her arm. She nodded and rubbed at her eyes.

"Good," I smiled. "You have a field trip today, don't you?"

"Yep!" she said excitedly, sitting up. "I can't wait!"

She swung her legs over the side of the bed and hopped out. "I'll get your breakfast started. Cheerios or toast?"

"Toast, please!" she requested. I followed her out the door and went to Ellie's room. She'd gotten a little toddler bed about six months ago. It was low to the ground so I knelt down next to it, where my sleeping daughter still laid. I gently rubbed at her back and she began to stir.

"Ellie," I gently cooed. "Time to wake up."

She grumbled a little and turned, rubbing at her eyes. It took her a moment to open them. Our routine consisted of her climbing into my lap for a good morning snuggle. I sat on her bed and she climbed on. She smelled so good. As she grew, her features were becoming more pronounced. I was probably biased, but she was a gorgeous little girl. She had jet black hair, brown eyes, and just a hint of Asian eyes from my genes. Her skin was an olive tone. Ellie loved to have her hair played with, so I gently stroked her hair as she continued to wake up.