Eyes on You

Isabel

Brissa was trying to be nice to me, but she really didn't like me. I could tell. I had a sixth sense about these things. Maybe I was just paranoid, but I could see her glaring at me at the corner of my eye.

I had invaded her space, and she hadn't asked for it. She'd never asked for her mother to marry my father with two kids of his own. Yesterday, her mother had volunteered her to let me shadow her at school. She went to a fancy private Catholic school in town. Dad never could have afforded it, and never would have bothered to look into it. She was there on a partial scholarship.

I had grudgingly agreed. Honestly, I was getting a bit bored. I was still feeling down in the dumps, but not as depressed as I had been. Maybe getting out would do me good.

Since I was just visiting, I was exempt from wearing the ugly-ass uniform Brissa was required to wear. Plaid skirt with knee-high navy socks, white collared shirt with a blue sweater vest. It was the stuff of porn. I swallowed down some french toast Guadalupe had made, along with some orange juice, and followed my stepsister down to the bus stop. Since it was private school they didn't have a school bus service, so we had to catch the public bus.

She sighed as we reached the bus stop, a couple blocks over from the house. I kept my distance, not wanting to crowd her.

"Brissa," I finally said. "Don't worry, I'm not going to be a leech on you all day. I won't even sit next to you."

"It's fine," she said dismissively, leaning against the plexiglass. "You can sit with me at lunch if you want."

I was grateful she was throwing me a lifeline. Even though I'd been born and lived in Puerto Rico the first twelve years of my life I was kind of an outsider now to natives. I'd left the island and gone to New York. Some assumed I thought I was better than they were. The truth is, I wish I'd never left.

Life with Lin and Pippa was great, but I'd never really belonged in their family. Luna slipped right in and was doing great in New York City. Somehow I'd never hit my stride. Maybe there was a part of me deep down that wanted this to fail. Wanted to prove to my dad that he'd made a mistake in sending me away.

With the news from Pippa and Lin that they were having twins, I felt even more out of place. They were expanding their family and didn't need me around. I just made their lives more complicated. If they were going to have two babies to take care of now on top of Ellie, I would just be a burden. My ODD was hard to just bury. I wish I could sometimes, but part of me just didn't allow it.

Now that I was back, I felt like I'd missed out on the last three years. My friends had moved on to other friendship and some weren't even here. Dad had a new family. It's like I didn't belong either place. Why couldn't I find my place?

I envied Brissa. Even though she thought her life sucked, like most teenagers did, she had a pretty good gig. Her mother loved her and kept her in line. She and my dad seemed to get along okay. She went to private school, and she was smart and pretty. Plus, she hadn't gotten pregnant, as far as I knew.

The bus finally arrived and was already crowded. We had to stand. I gripped the metal pole tightly as we made our way through the streets of San Juan. I looked around at the fellow bus riders. They all had skin and hair like mine. I could hear Spanish being spoken. I wondered how all of them had fared after the hurricane. Had any of them left and come back?

We stopped 15 minutes or so later and Brissa mumbled it was time to get off. We stepped off the bus and walked another three blocks to Academia del Perpetuo Socorro. Brissa walked me to the office so I could get a visitor badge for the day. I then followed Brissa to her locker, getting some curious looks from her classmates as I trailed her. Everywhere around, students and teachers were speaking all in Spanish. Lin tried to make a point of talking to Luna, me and Ellie in Spanish but it had been a long time since I'd been immersed. It felt good to hear it all around me.