Eyes on You

Lin

The day was not going well.  Luna had uncharacteristically gotten in trouble at school so she was crying in her bedroom.  Ellie was having a temper tantrum because I wouldn't let her have cookies before dinner.  The pot had just boiled over because I'd been busy with the girls.

"Shit," I muttered as I turned the burner down and moved the pot off the heat.  Ellie screamed, spread eagle on the floor nearby.  It amazed me how much noise could come out of her little body.  I did my best to ignore it because all parents knew tantrums thrived on attention.

Finally I couldn't take the noise so after the water was under control I scooped my daughter up and took her to her bedroom.

"When you're done crying you can come out," I told her firmly as I set her on her bed.  She wailed even louder and ran to the door as I closed it.  I held the door closed as she tried to open it.  She started banging on the door.  She could be so sweet but her tantrums were horrible.

After a minute or so of tugging she seemed to finally give up.  I heard her plop down on the floor so I very quietly walked away and got back to dinner.  It was three against one tonight.  Pippa was out with Jazzy and Renee for a girl's night.

After another five minutes of wailing from Ellie I heard a door open roughly, then another.

"Would you shut the hell UP?!" I heard Isabel yell at Ellie, causing my daughter to wail even louder.  Isabel yelled at her more and I sighed heavily, making my way back down the hallway.  When I approached Ellie's room I began to hear smacking sounds.  I was horrified to find Isabel hitting her cousin.  Ellie screamed.

"Isabel!" I yelled over the noise.  I put my hands on Isabel's arms and pulled her back.  "Go to your room!  Now!"

Ellie's face was red from crying.  I crouched down and picked her up, carrying her to her bed.  I set my daughter in my lap and just held her as she cried.  I couldn't believe Isabel had just starting hitting her.  I felt myself becoming angry, but right now Ellie needed me.

"Ssshhhh..." I tried to soothe her.  "It's over now.  You're safe."

It occurred to me that maybe she wasn't safe.  Isabel was doing drugs, she was associating with a gang, and now she was showing violent tendencies.  Isabel was old enough to know right from wrong, yet she was choosing to hit her three year old cousin.  I couldn't let this continue.  I'd given Isabel one last chance and she'd blown it.

A few minutes later, Ellie was finally calming down.  I gently stroked at her hair as I held her.  A few minutes later I stood up with her and took her to the couch, where I plopped her down to relax with a show.  Once she was settled, I went back to Isabel's room.

"What is the matter with you?" I demanded as I closed the door loudly.  "Hitting your three year old cousin?"

"She wouldn't shut up!" she defended herself.  "I couldn't stand it anymore."

"Hitting her isn't the answer," I informed her.  "That was uncalled for."

"Then maybe you should get her to shut up," she quipped.

"She's three, Isabel," I reminded her.  "She can't control herself yet.  If she's throwing a tantrum she just needs to be ignored until she can calm down."

"Well you might be able to ignore her screaming but I can't."

I shook my head, not knowing what to say.  "Well, you just blew your last chance," I said, stepping towards the door.  "Tomorrow morning I'm calling."

I stormed away before I said something stupid.  Back in the kitchen, I roughly moved around the pots and pans, glad to have something else to concentrate on.  At least Ellie seemed to have recovered from the incident.  She was laughing at the characters on her show.

After I'd put the casserole in the oven, Luna walked out of her room and to the kitchen.  "Back to your room," I told her.

"But I'm lonely!" she complained. 

"Now, Luna!" I snapped at her.  Her eyes widened, looking shocked.  I rarely yelled, especially at Luna.  She backed away and went back to her bedroom and I immediately felt horrible.  All three kids seemed to have decided to pick the exact same time to test my patience.  Now I was snapping when I shouldn't be.

I set my hands wide on the counter, leaning forward and letting my head hang.  I felt like the world's worst father at the moment.  I cleaned around the kitchen and living room, trying to keep my body busy.  Pippa texted to see how things were going and I didn't have the heart to tell her the truth.  She deserved some time away with her friends without worrying about us.  I texted back that everything was fine.

The casserole finished and I took it out of the oven to cool.  I made my way back to Luna's room to apologize for snapping.  She was laying on her bed, face down.  I approached slowly, sitting on her bed.

"Luna, I'm sorry I snapped at you just now," I told her, rubbing circles on her back.  "I've had a really bad day and you caught me in a bad moment."

She sniffled a little as I continued to sit with her.

"Can you forgive me?" I asked gently.  She sat up in bed and gave me a little smirk.  Luna and I were pretty good buds.  I was relieved when she wrapped her arms around my middle for a hug.

"Love you," I told her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.  "Ready for dinner?"

She nodded and wiped the remaining tears off her face.  We walked back to the kitchen and I asked her to set the table.  Once I had the dinner dished out, I put the plates on the table and called Ellie over.  She trotted over and I helped her into her booster chair.  Luna settled in so I went down the hall to get Isabel.

She was gone.