Everything's Going to Change

Past

3rd Person POV

It was later, days or weeks Bucky wasn't sure, they finally decided to go back home and pack things up. It would still be waiting if, no when, he had to tell himself, they brought Charlie back. For now they would go to the tower and plan their next move. He was a light packer, it was something he'd carried over from his days as a soldier both in the 40's and with HYDRA. Steve on the other hand had let his grief consume him to the point where he looked as though he might never leave the house. That was ok though. Bucky didn't know if he was ready to leave just yet either.

He supposed that's why he found himself wandering down the hall to her room, to the door covered in Captain America and Howling Commando Posters that she'd claimed showed "Just how proud she was of her dad's." There were some Polaroids of her with her friends scattered throughout too. Shuri and M'baku at Jabari land, Peter at the lab, Wanda making faces at the camera. Everything was artfully arranged around a paper that had her name in a looping scrawl that she'd asked Steve to write because "Папа's handwriting looks like chicken scratch." He laughed balefully and traced the letters with an almost non-existent touch, as if to touch would be to erase her completely. Bucky shook his head, an effort to brace himself, he assumed, before gripping the handle of the door and forcing it open.

Everything was exactly as she had left it, and he hadn't expected anything different. She had always made a fuss about keeping her room clean, sometimes cleaning it two days in a row, top to bottom, Reminding him needlessly that "If I'm not here or I'm dead, and you need something, my room will be so clean, you won't even have to look." He and Steve had always gotten onto her for joking about things like that. Now, he's just glad to even have these small memories to think about, even if they're the ones that hurt the most. Looking over to her desk, he sees the collection of photos, meticulously aligned, and in matching frames. One of them is her and Wanda in bed together laughing at the camera, another looks like her biological parents wedding photo, yet another is a picture of her and Shuri working on something in Wakanda. The last one however, is what makes him stop.

He remembers the day perfectly because it's the day his life was changed forever. It's the three of them. Him, Steve, and her smiling at the camera like a happy family that had their whole life together ahead of them. It was the day Steve had brought Charlie home and just before they decided to watch a movie, Bucky asked if they could take a picture together so he could remember today. He'd recently fallen into the habit of forgetting things again and was fearful that the soldier was making a comeback. Taking pictures of important events was how he coped and remembered. "Sure." She'd responded with a smile "Don't worry, I have to keep a journal so I remember things." The next day, his camera was on a shelf and he had a notebook and pen with him at all times.

"Bucky?" a hoarse voice called, pulling him back to the present. He jumped and nearly flipped the desk over in doing so as he turned to see Steve standing in the doorway. Whatever his boyfriend once was, this is no longer it. The person he saw in Wakanda had more life in him than the hollow, red-eyed, slumped over shell of a man he saw now.

"Hey Punk." he said quickly, brushing the stray tears away that he knew had fallen down his cheeks. "You packed?" A distracted nod as his eyes flicked about the room, each stare bringing more pain to the man behind them.

"I-uh- I gave her my favorite sweater to sleep in when she had a bad dream." he said thickly "Can you see if it's in the closet?" Bucky nodded, opening the doors and spending no more time than necessary inside so as not to bring up any more memories. He tossed Steve the article of clothing who hugged it close, eyes watering as he did so. After a moment, Bucky walked forward and wrapped his arms around him, not saying anything still, just wanting to be there. "Why won't you say her name anymore?" Steve sobbed, burying his face into the crook of the man's neck. "Why?"

"It hurts Stevie." he whispered, his heart throbbing with all the times he could've shared with his daughter and all the times he wasn't there when she needed him. "I say her name and it's worse than being trapped in my own mind again."

"Charlie!" Steve cried "That's our daughter's name! If we can't say her name, then we can't help her." Bucky is deeply aware that he's crying now, thick hot tears that are coming fast down his face as he stares into Steve's eyes.

"We're going to help her." he promised "We're going to help... Charlie."

AN! Y'all! This story has over 5k reads!! Thank you so much for your support, it means so much!!

-AgentValkyrie