After She Knew

Chapter 58 - I miss you

Well, I thought that staying at Ryan's would make things a lot better, but actually, it didn't.

I've been staying at his dorm for the past five days and I can tell I'm being a burden to him. At least think I am.

He never said or did anything to make me feel this way, but I can't help but feel like I'm intruding.

I know that he doesn't mind and his roommate is kind enough to leave us alone, although I'm sure he thinks there's something going on between us, considering the smirk he gave me this morning when he came to grab his stuff.

Ryan is the best, but he's just a friend, nothing happened between us and never will. I guess we both friend-zoned each other, which works fine by me.

Apart from that, things are weirder than ever. Even if sometimes all I wanted was to talk to Noah and Mads, I've managed to avoid everyone for the past days and being here with Ryan is helping a little.

I had to avoid the rest of our group as well for my own sanity, even if apparently they have nothing to do with it.

Sleeping in Ryan's dorm, staying up all night watching movies as he helps me get distracted by my current situation is not the same as being in Noah's apartment, sleeping in his embrace that seems to have been made perfectly for me to fit in, but it has to do for now.

Every day that goes by hurts more and more with the way I miss everything about Noah and also Mads.

I've been going to my dorm every once in a while, to get my things and clean clothes. The good thing about knowing Mads' schedule by heart is that I know when she won't be there, so I didn't have to meet her there, thankfully.

She knows I'm going to the dorm, because I saw the countless notes she left me saying how sorry she is and that she wants to talk, but I didn't reply any of them.

I don't know at this point who I miss the most, to be honest, Noah or her. I love him, but she's my best friend.

Was. She was my best friend.

I think about Noah for a moment and my heart aches. The only time I couldn't avoid him was when he decided to show up at Ryan's dorm my second night here.

We were watching some random movie that I wasn't exactly paying attention to, when the pounding on the door got too loud to be ignored.

''Open the damn door!''

Ryan and I exchanged a knowing look and we both rushed to the door. My heart started beating fast just because it was Noah's voice on the other side of the door.

''What do you want?'' Ryan's tone was serious and a bit intimidating, not that Noah seemed affected by one bit.

Noah looked at me from head to toe and his eyes went wide. I was self-conscious that I was wearing Ryan's t-shirt to sleep. I definitely needed to go to my dorm to get my own clothes at that point.

''So that's it? You're fucking him?'' He ignores Ryan and his words made me flinch.

''I'm not doing anything with anyone, Noah. I just need a place to stay and Ry—"

''Stay with me then.'' I sighed at his plea.

''You know that's not going to happen.'' If he thinks that going to Ryan's dorm and just saying 'let's go' would work, he's delusional.

''Yeah, right, because you're with him now.''

''No, I'm not." I say, giving him a pointed look.

''Dude, you should go.'' Ryan steps in.

''Dude, you should mind your fucking business.'' I took a step to put myself between the both of them, so I could try to put some sense into Noah's head.